The Players Have Moved On To Other Roles.

There is no use revisiting the past.. I had a few minutes today to stroll down memory lane.. by reading some old conversations.. why I did it, I don't know.. but I did it just the same... all it brought forth was more wondering of why people say things they don't mean.. I try not to do that...  nevermind.. I'm beating a dead horse again.. I've just been sitting here most of the day by myself.. my dad had to stay with my grandmother.. so it was late before he would be free... my sister took him out to eat.. she invited me, but I really didn't want to go... besides she invited my spouse and daughters... and they were gone most of the day.. oh... btw.. It's Father's Day... just another day around this house... they came back just a short bit ago.. and gave me my present... I got a jar of peanuts. I know.. some of you would think that is inadequate.. but I just appreciate the fact they got me something... what it was.. doesn't matter.. my youngest let me hug her... my oldest.. seems too old for hugs.. they tend to do more of the receiving than giving when hugs take place between us.  I was just thinking.. and it was some time last year the last time I got a hug.. and it wasn't from anyone in this house.. maybe I have a blind eye (pardon the pun) ... to what is going on... my daughters might have a clue as to how miserable I am.. they are pretty smart after all.. I have always been more clueless than I want to admit..   I remember when I worked at Wal-Mart.. thinking back.. I got hit on several times.. and it went clear over my head.. when I was in college.. I remember once when a female friend called me from her apartment.. and said the lightning was bad enough to wake her.. and she was scared... she asked me to come over.. and I did.. in the middle of the thunderstorm.. I was there for a little while.. but the storm didn't let up... she asked me to stay.. and I did.. me.. being the non-aggressive person I used to be.. put a pallet in the floor at the foot of her bed.. and fell asleep until morning.. I still don't know how my mind was that retarded... but sometimes looking back.. we see things thing in an entirely different light... what appears to be.. isn't exactly what is... but we miss many moments by keeping our eyes in a narrow range of vision... and are blind to possibilities.  But as I said before.. looking back can't change anything... it just gives us more insight to the mistakes we should try to avoid in the future.  That is really all we have.. and that's not even guaranteed.  We have the present.. now... and the future is nice to dream about..but it's just that.. dreams.. we can't live with what might be.. we need to see what is.. and live with it... guide it the best way we can... and not lose sight of where we are..  I have seen attitudes change from one end of the spectrum to the complete opposite end in a matter of a few days.... on more than one occasion... so I've learned that if I need to be true to myself, I need to make certain that I'm never that way... so far so good.. I've been able to pretty much know myself.. and my attitudes.. this blog helps me to keep in touch with my thoughts... I only wish other people were as in touch with themselves.. The road to self discovery is fraught with hardships and disappointments.. I know that just as well as anyone... but sometimes we just need to look at our past.. the way we would a movie... we've seen it happen.. but it has no bearing on life in general. ...and the players have moved on to other roles.