I Won't Stop Striving.

I believe most people are full of crap... but there are a few truly sincere people in the world.. Either things give us issues.. or it's a benefit... you know in most languages everything is masculine or feminine.  The English language developed the term "neuter" ... this is supposed to be objects devoid of sexual characteristics...   what about people?... well.. I supposed they can be neuter... looking at my marriage I can relate to that term very well.... but I'm still confused on certain items... sure.. a skirt.. can probably be considered feminine.... and maybe boxer shorts masculine.... but what about a rock?... it's hard.. does that make it masculine?   Trees... they house and nurture animals.. feminine?    Who gets to decide all of this?  I want that job... I could really screw up a language then.  I think about how there are so many things in this world that might seem insignificant.. but really have a much greater bearing on life in general... but we all have influence on people and things around us.   Most of the time we're not even aware of it... sometimes... we are... and we give this "all important" status to ourselves... but we're all important in our own way.  We all have our parts of the universe to play.. and some play their part very well.. going back to yesterday's blog... the universe... or God.. has set the stage for us.. and given us roles.. we all have freedom of choice.. that is in the Book of Genesis in the Bible.. and in our Declaration of Independence.  Most people all over the world fight for that choice consistently.. but then we make the most asinine decision based on partial knowledge.. or best guess.. We all have a choice about everything... I have a choice whether or not I want to rob a bank.. but then I'd have to suffer the consequences if I get caught.. so that has to weigh into the decision... then the moral debate of right and wrong come into the picture...  So what keeps the morality at bay when people make a choice to screw someone else over? It seems we all have that capability. Some are just better at putting their feelings aside when they do so.. Or maybe there are just people in this world that have learned not to worry about morality and can do whatever the hell they want.  I decided long ago that I would never try to hurt someone else intentionally.. and part of that is to know what I'm doing in advance.. that's why I tend to try to make decisions in an intelligent manner.. and why I try to stick to my own moral code... is it perfect? ...of course not... but it works for me... just as I'm sure being a bitch.. or bastard works for some other people too.  I am certain there are people on the planet that would consider me a bastard.. but it's probable that I would consider much the same about them. I still try to put aside the past and let things go.. but I use this blog to work things out.  I've apologized publicly several times for my misgivings.. my transgressions.  Even though I'm not specific about it.. the people who truly know me.. know what I'm apologizing for.. those that don't know me very well.... well I can't really say much to them.. because it was their choice not to know me.  I know my life goes on... and things will change... I will welcome change with open arms.. because the stagnant pool I live in now.. is overpowering at times.   I live in my neuter world... and try to bring to it a bit of gender.. I'm a man.. I think like one.. I try to act like one.. or at least on my thoughts of what a man should be...  I'm allowing myself to try to grow.. and  try each day to make strides for a more promising future... even if that future doesn't come... I won't stop striving.