Maybe I'll Find Myself

Is there a force in the universe.. that just wants to antagonize us?  ...sometimes it feels that way... it seems as though each day is an antagonizing battle.. just to make it to the next day..  We spend our lives trying to protect ourselves.. but then we forget how to live... so we have to ask ourselves is it better to avoid all the pain... or to live an uneventful life?   We hide from life because we convince ourselves that the conflict out there isn't worth the risk.... and in some cases we are right.. I live the way I do.. because of this perception I have based on past experiences.. but just because I find it near impossible to trust anyone.. doesn't mean that I should give up on life and some of the other things it has to offer.  More and more times we tend to put things on hold in our life.. based on someone else doing something.. or something else happening.. in all actuality we should be savoring life on a daily basis.. it's just somewhat hard to do at times... because we believe that we should not do certain things... or that we should do other things.. but when it comes down to it, we are the ones that are living our lives.. if you let other people shape your life.. and they're not wanting to be a viable part of it... then you've lost yourself... and sometimes when you lose yourself.. it's not so easy to reach down and find what you've lost.   I really don't know what I'm trying to say other than... I keep looking for who I am... and I am not sure where to look now... I don't seem to have found it where I am now.. so I need to move forward when I can.. and start the search for me.. again.. maybe I'll find myself.