Balance Is Hard To Find

I'm irritated... I got my midyear review. The director says he's going to do mine.. even though he doesn't observe me 99 percent of the time.  My direct supervisor was instructed to go over my review with me. He was as shocked as I was over it.  I got an outstanding rating in doing my part of the job and in my interaction with others... but the most crucial element... doing what I can to promote the mission goals of the center.. I got a "meets expectations"  ...okay... so they want a mediocre job... that's what they are going to get.  I have dozens of duties that I'm currently doing that are not a part of my job description because I am trying to promote the center and help it in any way I can... those will cease almost immediately.  If I am being told that it makes no difference how hard I bust my ass and pick up all other kinds of responsibilities, that I am average... well.. I need to go ahead and look for work elsewhere.  I will continue to stay with the government... but I no longer feel comfortable working where I am currently working.  I should be used to being shit on by now.. One day I will come out of the shit storm I've been walking through... and clean myself off.. I'm open right now to any positive aspects that come into my life... Of course I'm going to continue to be suspicious of anything positive... but I'm still looking for that perfect job.. and the perfect place to go.. I know "perfect" probably doesn't exist.. but it is still worth pursuing.

I am going to forget this irritation.. I'm stronger than that.. There are many things in my life that have been antagonistic... and it is my fault if I let them get to me.  Sometimes for moments we all get sidetracked by the distractions in our lives... but we choose to let them control us.  I am sticking to my search for balance... sometimes the search doesn't go so well.. balance is hard to find.

Comments

  1. ironyJune 5, 2013 at 7:32 PM

    I know what its like to feel underappreciated at a job u put a high amount of effort into. I also know what its like to work ur ass off for a year..two years... or three... and still be a number instead of a valued employee bc the authorities only see $$$$.good luck with the job search its RUFF out there.


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