We Are Only Guaranteed The Present.

Have you ever wondered where time goes? does it take energy to move time along?  Are we having that energy absorbed from us?  I know these are strange questions.. but I kind of wonder if we get older and more worn because the energy for anything to happen.. has to come from somewhere else.  I can even sit in my room and wait.. and I feel my body aging.. or at least I think I do.  I don't want to waste the time I have left in preparation for what might happen... I need to make things happen... I am looking forward to the next few days, because I am almost certain that a few questions about my job will be answered.  I need that.. I need just something to move forward in my life.  I am at the point now where I don't care whether I'm satisfied with the answers.. I just need answers to what is happening next.  I can deal with things.. I always have adjusted..  I have backup plans in case the center doesn't close... but I can only do things based on what I know... not on what I think might happen.

I have had a sore throat the last few days... I've drunk about a half a quart of apple pie moonshine and it has made my throat feel so much better... at first I thought maybe I just didn't mind the pain as much.. but I know the effects of the moonshine have worn off.. and my throat feels halfway decent... still sore.. but not painful. I think that there are many remedies in this world that will fix a variety of ailments.. and we haven't discovered them yet... I am in a decent place in my life.. because I really haven't given up hope for the future... I still think that possibilities of at least a semi-happy life exist out there somewhere... I only have to make decisions to make my life move forward.  

I know I'm rambling again this morning.. but I don't really care.. I have so many thoughts jumbled up inside my head sometimes and I don't know how to get them all out.  I don't ever want to hold myself back from saying anything.. but sometimes I have to figure out how I want to say it.  I went to sleep early Saturday night.. very early.. didn't do anything... and it felt good.  I was only going to take a nap.. but ended up sleeping until 3 am... when I woke up at first I was like.. crap! I overslept.. but then I realized that I shouldn't hold myself to a schedule just because it's something I am used to... and I feel much better.  I just feel the mediocrity of my existence sometimes... and I don't want that.  I still would love to live an extraordinary life.. and I hate being held back... there is so much potential for things I can still do.. and what I can still accomplish.  We all talk about having dreams of doing this or that....but honestly.. our sedimentary lifestyle keeps us from moving forward with those ideas.  I guess sometimes I'm just tired of.. me  ....and I need to change that... I need to focus on what I want to do.. and try to get it done.  After all.. we are only guaranteed the present.