Under my Hat

A few days have passed now.. not much is happening... but at the same time... quite a bit is going on..  I feel weird that I'm able to get most of my life in so few boxes... I look at the empty room around me and wonder what actually I've accomplished.  I am hoping that most of my accomplishments are found by looking at me through the eyes of others. I sometimes get struck by a wave of emotion that hits me hard... about to knock down the house of cards that I so precariously stacked.. waiting to get blown away with the first wind..   Other times I feel like a mountain of strength... a diamond..... put under so much pressure that I will remain solid throughout anything that works to break me.  I still have my concerns... my misgivings.. but I do now what I do.. because I have chosen the path I need to tread.. and there are few things in this world that could sway me from following the actions I have so meticulously examined... and re-examined..  Maybe I'm settin...

I'm on my 16 day break now... first day off and it was really a good one.  Of course now things seem to be falling into place. I always seemed to have a few reservations... it's difficult not to be a bit pessimistic after all the things I've come through... but it is getting much easier to look at the positive side of things now... especially when you don't do thing based on others... at least not the basic things... I do things for my daughters.. that much is true.. and I always will.. but I won't let any one factor control my life.  I always take into account the consequences.. but it's almost as though sometimes I am outside of my life... looking in... I've made so many mistakes, that I'm certain at times I will make others... and that's all a part of the journey... I am thankful for my mistakes as well as my victories... I've accomplished quite a bit in my life.. and if it were to be over tomorrow, I think it balances out to a good life live...

I had a bit of a difficult time last night falling asleep.  I know that I would be feeling a bit of sadness at not being around my daughters... but the weight of it all hit me at once last night. I cried myself to sleep.  I keep telling myself that it will be okay... and I really am sure it will be, but I know it will be difficult for them... and I feel badly about myself for putting them through this.  It's a dilemma that I knew I would face... but I figured I had already quelled those demons and put them behind me. I'm sure it will cause a tear in our relationship... I just don't want it to totally rip it apart. I will always be their father and will do my best to be here for them when they need me. I did get some good news... the government is covering pretty much the cost of the move... and more.. plus giving me admin leave to take care of things... it's somewhat ludicrous at the efficiency I've run into so far... maybe I shouldn't even say anything ...as...

It's finally official... I'm completely insane... well... that's not official.. but perhaps true... what I'm talking about is my new job.  I've gotten official word to report on January 11. It's both a wonderful thing... and a sad thing at the same time.  I'm finally headed in a direction I've wanted to go... just for me.. at the same time, I'm going to miss my little girls.. even though they're not quite so little anymore. I am going to continue to talk daily... and we will Skype often... but it's not exactly the same... I will only get to hug them a few times a year...  That in itself is what makes it sad. I knew it was coming to this point, but I can't have my cake and eat it too.. I am certain things will change with us... but I'm hoping they don't grow to resent the fact that I moved out. I love them both more than anything else on the planet... and I always will..  Sometimes, I feel a bit selfish at pursing the life I want....

The government still tends to be one of the most disorganized places I've ever worked.  I've been given verbal confirmation by various people that I will be transferring... including the two people who are locally in charge of both places... but that's not enough... I've been told that the head of the whole division of our agency has blessed this transfer... still, OPM or whoever is supposed to do the paperwork... is dropping the ball.. I haven't received anything as of yet, nothing on paper that says I have gotten anything. It's been all verbal. I am thinking they will come the week before and then say... hey... in 7 days you are to report to the other station some 600 miles away... ummmmm, no.  I can't do that.. at least I don't think I can... I have to get with people to find a place to live... I have to do all kinds of stuff... just to keep my head above water.   Otherwise I'll be living out of my Jeep for awhile... and I really don't wanna ...

The kids know... my dad knows... maybe a few other family members... I'm certain my soon-to-be-ex's family all know, as she has gotten quite a bit of advice from several of them.  Still.. I'm certain that we are headed in a positive direction.  My daughters and I are closer than we've ever been... it seems as though the air has been cleared and things are all laid out on the table.  During this Thanksgiving, it was an incredible meal... good company.. great conversation.  No one dwelled on the upcoming finalization of the divorce... nor on my move.  About the move.. I have many people who have told me when it is supposed to happen, but there has been nothing in print.  I cannot move forward with my plans until I have some type of written confirmation. I'm positive all will work out the way it is supposed to... and I have begun to look forward to the whole change in my life.  I started working overtime at work... this week alone, I have worked 32 hours...

LOTS... and I do mean LOTS of stuff has been happening in my life. My last day where I'm currently working is December 20, I will have the week of Christmas off and then on the 29th.. I'm supposed to report to the Harpers Ferry, WV area.. It's about an hour outside of DC... maybe a little more. I am going to be loading up a truck and small trailer pulled behind and trying to make a go of it... I am only taking my clothes.. and the things in my room.. plus a couple of bowls.. plates.. a pot and a pan... that's pretty much it... oh.. and we have a spare table and chair.   The thing is... I'm gonna be limited in resources as I'm going to be paying 1500 a month to my spouse for child support and maintenance. If I work it right... I should have enough to live on.. but it might be a bit tight for a little while.  I want to get my shit straight before I do anything else.  I am not looking to be in any other relationship at the moment... I am not living my life for any...

Wow! ...just WOW!  ...I'm so nervous and excited, I almost can't stand it.  Thursday is the meeting with the divorce lawyer, but it looks like something might be happening with my job near DC. I was asked to submit my resume ASAP yesterday... but it was too late in the day... this morning... 5 minutes after I sent it... I got a response from the Support Services Supervisor telling me the Center Director was going to try to do a lateral transfer... but that I still needed to put in for the position as soon as it posted... just to cover our bases... so it looks like I have the job.  I contacted a former co-worker that I knew very well... because I happen to remember she grew up in the area I'm looking to move... and she had lots of possible suggestions.  She is contacting friends and family in that area to see about finding me a decent place to live. I'm still a bit nervous about how much I will be left with... after the divorce... but I figure I'll make it somehow.....

The day my spouse and I meet with the attorney grows nearer and nearer... and I'd be lying if I didn't say that at times... I'm scared shitless. My spouse is going to go ahead and go through with the divorce... NOW.. even if I figure out I can't afford it yet. I know that my daughters will get about 850/mo.  ...but what I'm concerned about is how much they will give my spouse to live in alimony... if they give her much more than 400, I might be screwed... I'm not certain I can live on $1000 a month. I seem to be a bit more and more worried.. but I have no reason to be... not yet anyway.. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to have much support in my life very soon... so, yes.. it's a bit unnerving. I sometimes wonder about how the future is going to unfold... maybe I'm expecting too much change all at once... in my life anyway.  I guess I'll either move forward... or fall flat on my face.  The problem is that falling flat, may mean difficult times...

At what point do we start living our lives... instead of just existing from day to day?   I was raised in an environment where it was too dangerous to do most anything... I always had my dad... and to some extent, my mom... telling me not to do this... or not to do that.. because it was too dangerous. Well... life is dangerous. I could live in my bed.. not getting out of it except for going to work... but that's taking things to an extreme. I feel that even to this day I do mostly "existing" and not living... I suppose part of it is the fear of the unknown... that was bred into me starting at a very young age.  I feel inadequate to take on much, because no one has ever had faith in me to do so.. I have drawn courage from a few people in my life where I take off and actually live.. for a few days at a time, at least... but even then.. I have a decently thought out plan.. and don't take unnecessary risks.  I'm not saying that people should go out and become everyda...

Last day of September... days are passing by, and the only changes I see are subtle ones... still, that's okay.  I have decided that I am going to enjoy the journey to my destination, no matter what road I happen to take. I went back to work today.  I seriously do enjoy my work, but it seems as though no matter how hard I try, there are just those students I will never get through to... same way with people in my everyday world... and by that, I mean online... I don't have everyday world friends.. at least not that I know about. Of course we never know what people think about us behind our back.  Still.. it's not an issue for me.. I am still walking my own path... and doing what is best for me. My daughters are what's best for me.. I know that if I were to ever turn my back on them, I'd never forgive myself.  Still, working for a compromise is a bit more difficult than I thought.  I'm just glad I have someone who completely understand and shares my sentiment. ...

My daughters are still getting over the crud they've had... the youngest seems to be almost back to normal... the oldest... still spitting up phlegm.  So.... it's been awhile since I've made a major effort to help them have a great day.. Today was a rectification of that.  I told my youngest that I would take her to see the new My Little Pony movie when it comes out... I made this promise about 2 months ago.  Unfortunately it's a limited release and we had to drive over 2 1/2 hours to see it... down in Nashville, TN.  My left ear is undergoing the recuperation from infection process, and I couldn't drive very well... so my spouse (the one afraid of driving on interstates and in big cities) drove while I navigated. It wasn't quite as bad as I thought it would be... but still no picnic.  Speaking of food... we ate out twice... as we were gone about 10 hours.. since we wanted to make certain we'd get there on time...   When we got to the theater... I'm thi...

I've racked up so much time off.. that I will not work a full week the rest of the year... and there are several 5 day weekends scheduled.. If I don't take that time off.. I'll lose it. I could donate it to someone else in the government that's sick... and needs surgery or something, but I've seen how most people are... they waste sick days at the drop of a hat... "I have a slight headache.. I think I need to take a sick day...."   ...or "My foot is sore... I need to be off" ...I've witnessed this so much on our center. I've only been working 4 years now directly for the government and I have accumulated 300 sick hours..  unless there are highly unusual circumstances, everyone should have more than enough sick time.  ...I refuse to contribute to a person who might have been burning sick days and is a poor planner for the future.   Well, anyway, I am currently off until Tuesday morning... I didn't want to take all the time at once, be...

So... it's been some time since I blogged again... not really having a lot build up as I'm able to vent on a regular basis.  I have had some completely moronic encounters with my supervisor.  I dislike being lied about... as I'm sure that most everyone does.  It actually wouldn't matter if it didn't affect my performance rating, but as my boss is the one spreading rumors on me.. that's a bit of a problem. She has something on everyone in the department.... except me.. the thing is there is nothing to get on me.  I have an exceptional work ethic. That's why my class is doing awesomely.. and why I'm not all that worried about consequences... I am good at everything I decide to do... and if something needs doing.. most anyone who knows me can call on me and I will make certain it's done.  Does that sound a bit conceited?  Of course, it does... but it IS the truth.  I have always tried to stay within the confines of the truth. I've twisted the truth...

So ... it has been a month or so since I've posted. I've just come off a long 5 day weekend. I didn't do much of anything, but I'm glad to have the time off work. I love my job, but I work with some of the most incompetent people on the planet. The center has been working over a month now to get all the students to dress appropriately and arrive on time... and they still haven't gotten it right. My class is fine... It's some of the other classes that can't get it straight. Oh.   ...and my supervisor has tried to get several people to talk to me about being a "team player"... Everyone has refused... either because I must scare every person... or I actually AM a team player, but my boss sees me as not because I question her from time to time.  She's used to barking orders and having them followed without question... I can't help it if I don't like supporting things I can see are illogical. Part of the reason the center is in such bad shap...

So... the work based learning driving is done... and I have 30 days... other than the holiday... to schedule before the end of the year... so I shouldn't be working any full weeks for the balance of the year... suits me fine... I look forward to planning some time off... but I'm holding on to most of them for as long as I can, because I am still certain a closing is eminent. Also the new WIOA... which replaces the defunct WIA will be signed into law soon... and according to the language, low performing centers will be taken from the operators and placed for bid for other companies or organizations to bid on them... this would mean since 14 of the Forest Service centers are in the bottom quintile of the centers in existence.. those 14 would be removed from the care of the Forest Service and put up for bid.  I suppose it won't be long before I will be leaving my current center... one way or another. We (my class) spent the latter part of last week moving back to our old lo...

I still say happiness is a choice.. no matter what things in our life are weighing us down... or fighting against us.. it's still possible to be happy.  Look at me... I'm the most happy I've ever been in my entire life... despite the stupidity I have to put up with on a daily basis... yeah... I reserve the right to call stupid... stupid... I'm not really fond of that word... but it fits so well in my situation. The management where I work... say that there's nothing wrong with waking students up at 5 am... to catch a ride with other Work-based learing students going to another city.... arriving at work 90 minutes early... after a 2 hour ride... then working all day... another 2 hour ride home... to get back on the center at 10 pm or after.... in bed about 11... to be woken up again the next morning by 5 am again... sure it can be done... but to expect it regularly from a trainee? ...I think someone is fucked in the head if you ask me.. I got the final numbers for ...

A year and a half after I was certain they would close my center... here it is.. still chugging along. It is as inadequately run as ever... and it keeps getting worse... which I was certain could never happen.... but it does. I am still moving slowly toward my goal... but it's a very, very slow movement. Still... it IS a movement. I don't feel like I'm spinning my wheels... at least not for the most part.  The work-based learning is still going on... only because I'm now at 6 weeks of use or lose time before the end of the year.... so starting Aug 1... I won't be working a 5 day workweek for the rest of the year... I will have 1 - 2 days off every week... some I'm scheduling Thurs, Fri, and Mon... to get a 5 day weekend... I have several of those. I am just wishing the people in our National Office... Denver... would get off their asses and make a decision about the fate of our center... If I had been blogging all along, I would have everyone on the same page a...

Haven't been posting a whole lot lately... I seem to blow off a lot of steam in the site threads... but not a whole lot of it is very deep. Of course my mind isn't working at full capacity at the moment.  I have a total of 142.5 hours on this two week's paycheck... and will be working tomorrow to finish it all up.  Today is my birthday... 48 years old... sometimes I feel a bit old.. then I realize that I'm only a day older than I was yesterday... and I refuse to let it all catch up with me too quickly.  I am living my life each day... and trying to squeeze in a bit extra from time to time.  It's really all I can do at the moment.  I've been pressing the issue of a detailed assignment at another center to my supervisors.... and maybe I'm getting somewhere.  I don't really know when it's going to happen, but I'm positive it's getting closer. The air went out here about 4 days ago... my daughters have been in school during the day... and my s...

We all walk through life with a variety of masks... I wear one for my daughters... at least to a certain extent... I wear one for my dad... so he doesn't realize how much he pisses me off much of the time... I wear one for my supervisor... so she doesn't see how incompetent I think she is... I'm sure there are more... but I try to get away with wearing as few masks as I can... I long for the day when I can be me... who I am... and I am that person.. with certain people in my life.  I just choose not to cause issues that I can't do anything about at the moment.. so I continue living my life and trying to make changes... I do see it heading in a much better direction... but it's amazing how just being and saying everything you want to be and say... is so invigorating...  I appreciate the ability to get to do that.  It goes far beyond the distance between us.. and the distance doesn't matter... it's a minor inconvenience..  I don't see how other people cho...

I've been getting in a bit of Comp time... not sure I need it.. as I already have more time than I'll be able to take.  ...but I'm sure I can find a time to take some time off... I'm already looking forward to some time away.   My supervisor keeps telling me that she's making inquiries to put me an a temporary duty station at another center.   Not sure where that's going to be.. but I'm hoping it gives me the experience I need to move forward with my career. I'm hoping that things work out for me at Harper's Ferry... if I can pull that off, I should start at over 70k a year... I can actually move out and afford to support my daughters with that salary... especially since it's far enough away from the city to live more cheaply than in the big city itself.  Plus.. I'll be 30 minutes from where I want to be... which is close enough. It's all seeming to fall into place.. just like things are supposed to be. Dad is still driving me nuts... ...

We are going to have a Government Accounting Office audit next month... my supervisor came to me and asked me if I'd be interested in having a 160 day detail... as a vocational manager on another center... after thinking briefly about this.. I jumped at the chance... I believe they're trying to get me off the center before the auditors come because they know I will spill my guts about everything I know... I don't play the "let's-keep-quiet-and-sweep-everything-under-the-rug game"  ...It's really a win-win situation though... this will give me the experience I need to go to the next level... at the same time, they will pay my regular salary... actually more since I may be detailed into a GS11 position..  my hotel, rent me a car.. and give me up to 71 dollars a day for meals and incidentals... plus they'll pay for me to come home every other weekend. I told my spouse and daughters about it... and they support me 100 percent... as long as I can Skype wit...

It's been somewhat a long and boring weekend.  I keep my eyes on the prize and waiting for the world to change.. but it's worth the wait. I guess at times I still get a little worried... but that's my nature. I can't believe I have things as good as what I do... yes.. I do have my own share of problems.. as does everyone else... and I am certain that many people tend to let those issues creep into their lives and take up residence. I know I will make a change.. as sure as I know my own name... part of my wonders how long it will take... and yes, that does concern me a bit.  I would love to see a resolution come about in both lives at the same time... but I'm certain that's not going to happen.  I will get through what is ahead of me.. and I will do it because it's what I need to do for me.. not for anyone else.... just as I would never want anyone else to do something.. or make a life changing decision... based solely on me... That would make me feel guilty...

Finally... this week is over.. it's not that it has been such a busy week.. even though it has been... I've been through busy weeks before... it's that everything I've tried to do, has changed a half a dozen times while I'm trying to get it done.. largely due to the ineptness of my supervisor... but I'm determined to give it my best and get things done.  I was going to apply to a position 4 hours away.. but it seems as though I'm not able to get access to the official copy of my evaluations.. any of them.. someone has dropped the ball and none of mine have been posted.. all I have are unsigned copies... so I'm causing a bit of a stir in asking for them... if necessary, I'll be involving the Office of Personnel Management... Someone needs to be held accountable for something... I will not hold my breath at anything getting done too soon.. luckily I have until May 7 to apply for the positions. My spouse irritated me a bit this morning... I don't...

Today has been a day from hell... to top off a week from the same place.. and the week isn't over yet. I started out really early on Monday to take 20 students to a career club counselling session on the other side of the park... I drove the 13 passenger shuttle bus where the other instructor drove the van with 7 students... she could cut through the park and cross the ferry... where I had to go all the way around... Supposedly we were using McDonalds cards to pay for lunch... but the guy that gave them out was on vacation.. and my supervisor was insistent that we could get them anyway.. but that wasn't the case.. so they had to fix up 20 sack lunches in a hurry.  I was a bit late at arriving, but it sorta fell into place. Then we took them to a picnic shelter to eat before taking them to interview for work-based learning. I then was left holding the bag to follow up while my supervisor left.. and I was responsible for taking them all for their drug tests.. but 4 of which were...

Long day yesterday..  I took off work to turn in my rental.. finally.. and buy my new vehicle.. it's a bit on the rough side.. but very good mechanically... it's a red Jeep Cherokee.. seems to run great.. plus I got a very good deal on it.  I'm hoping to get some of the kinks worked out before I drive it very far... but it's nice to have my own vehicle tha I don't have to worry about turning in.. I might not get much better gas mileage though.  I have a very busy schedule at work. seems like there is something planned for several of the days throughout the month... plus now I have to catch up for yesterday. I'm sorta expecting that not much was accomplished. I just found out about an accident of a friend of mine... but I don't know how to get in touch with her... I feel a bit badly because the last time we talked... I was sort of aggressively pushy.. trying to get her to see what she had with her S.O.  ...sometimes people are married.. and you know their ...

So the insurance company is giving me a decent settlement... finally... it's like pulling teeth to deal with them though... I have a rental... the rental company didn't have a comparable sized vehicle.. so I'm driving a HUGE crew cab new red 4x4 ... I love it.. but I don't  like the 16 mpg on gas it gets... this is just until Monday anyway... when I can get my check... I already found a mechanically sound vehicle to replace my other one... it's red too... a Jeep Cherokee.... I figure I'll go 4 wheelin' at some point.  They came and picked up my other vehicle yesterday.... I went fishing this last weekend... actually got some sun... I was afraid it would be a burn.. but it has turned out to not be so bad...  My dad is definitely not in the best of shape.. this was very obvious this weekend... but I guess we all have to get older.. I'm not so certain he will make it very much longer.. Anyway... I've gotten out.. enjoyed spending time with my daughte...

Hey... it's me again... haven't really used my blog much.. mainly because I'm able to get most every thought in my mind out... and share with someone.. I had another trip recently.. but it didn't go exactly according to ulplan... but it turned out okay... I actually did meet someone from the sites... but it was a male friend... at least one of the days I was gone.. had a great dinner that night.. and I was able to just get away for awhile.. and ummmm.. no.. it wasn't meeting a male friend for sex.. LOL.. It just goes to show that sometimes even when things don't go exactly to plan.. it is much better when people don't panic and give up on things.  I feel the strongest support I've ever felt.. Oh... I hit a cow.. about 2 weeks ago.. according to the law, the people with the cow are entirely at fault... and I've already checked with a relative who happens to be a lawyer also... and I am completely not at fault. . although the insurance company is sa...

Any relationship takes a little work from time to time.. I know that... I feel as though I may have stopped being approachable in my marriage a long time ago... without actually knowing I was.  It doesn't change anything... I still like my spouse.... she's a loving and caring person.. just that I don't feel any "spark" no... romantic energy... nor romantic feelings.   I think it may have been both of our faults... but it's something that happened. I think that maybe at times I worry that I am luckier than I have a right to be... as I've always said... for every up.. there is a down... for every action... an equal and opposite reaction.  It's just the fundamental law of the universe. Still... there is someone that I feel understands me.. when something  isn't quite right.. it works itself out almost immediately. When I'm apart from her.. I feel like a part of me is missing. ...it's a bit difficult at the moment.. because I don't like pa...

I think that people are always going to have pieces of themselves... or thoughts... that they don't want to share... and I should learn to be accepting of that.  I just care about people... it's part of who I am.  I tend to get somewhat invasive at times... and when I step outside of myself and look back... it's much easier to see. I am wondering if it's because I feel inadequate? ...or maybe I am a controlling person?  I really don't know exactly what it is... but more and more I find myself wanting to support those I let close to me.. I know I've learned to trust just a few people... more than I ever thought I would. Am I a manipulator?  ...probably.  I don't have a problem sharing things completely... not with those I hold closest... and I suppose I expect a reciprocation... but I am learning that all people aren't that transparent.. and I need to accept people for who they are.. not who I want them to be..  I do appreciate those that support me... ...

I haven't been posting much lately, but not a whole lot has been happening in my life... so I've not really been inspired to post.  At least most of what I post isn't very deep... and I still keep FlirtsnFriends as an outlet. I have let my hair and beard continue to grow... not sure how long I'm going to go with that... but for the moment, it's been too freakin' cold to warrant much in the way of hair removal.. it acts as an insulator. I got my tax money back and am now debt free.. which feels good in and of itself... I also supposedly got a settlement in my evaluation award finally... after 17 months... I'm not all that worried about it... or really anything else.  I'm at a very calm place in my life. I am letting things settle after my grandmother's passing... but not nearly as much as when my mom passed... as I'm not sure that will ever settle. Dad is having a hard go of it... I feel empathy for him.. I know what it's like.. to a certain ...

I'm watching the final episode of last season of The Walking Dead... and it's not quite as stimulating as last time.. but it's still pretty good.  The last week or so has been cold.. and snowy... We had my grandmother's funeral on Wed.  I took Tues and Wed. off so that I could be there for the funeral.. my daughters have been out of school for the whole week due to the weather. We never knew what day they would have school.. and my oldest daughter has to be there for her next school day because she will be signing up for classes for the next semester.  If she isn't there.. she might miss out on her dual credit classes.  I'm glad she is intelligent.. and can do for herself... but I still intend on being there for her when I can. My spouse's cousin gave her a big screen tv and a new table.. I'm all for them having what they can... I also finally got my tax refund back.. a bit more than I thought I'd get... and my performance award from 2 years ago fin...

I had planned on visiting my grandmother today... I had told several people.... I haven't seen her in quite awhile... we were supposed to leave at noon or so.. Just goes to show how we can make all the plans we want... and we never truly have much control... she passed away just a short while ago...  I knew it was coming.. She was 97... and had gotten into a poor shape. She had 10 children and they had been taking turns staying with her for the few years or so... I'm sorry that I never got a chance to say goodbye to her before she left.. Back before I started attending elementary school.. she would take care of me and my oldest younger sister every day while my dad and mom worked... I heard all kinds of stories from her.. and spent many hours on their farm getting into mischief.. She was a bit opinionated... and it wasn't too many years ago that she was so full of life... she reminded me of  "Granny" on the Beverly Hillbillies... but age takes its toll on all of ...

I woke up at 3:30 this morning... I'm letting my last evaluation get to me more than I realize.. it's bothering me this morning to the point where I have come up with a plan... my current supervisor has to do my midyear eval in a few months... if she's not late again.. I am going to submit one question to be included in my evaluation... according to regulations, I have that right...  "Last year, when my evaluation was done, by the measurement system in place, I was running at 132.1% of my goals... which made me the 12th ranked trade of all trades on any center in the nation. On top of that, I had served over 30 days as acting vocational manager in the absence of one on center. I served as the coordinator for the new student record keeping program at the request of the center director. I was the backup IT point of contact to help resolve computer issues with all staff on center. I spent at least one day each month providing community service in assisting with the food ...

I got sick the evening after writing my last blog... all of a sudden I was violently chilling... my body was almost out of control.. I hadn't felt that badly since 2006... when I had a fever of 108 and my head was packed in ice to keep my brain from frying... that's another story in and of itself.. I can't remember if I blogged about that before or not.. but it was an experience I'll never forget.  Anyway, I was afraid I was headed for a serious illness.  Luckily 14 hours in bed put me in a decent shape... although I slept so turbulently that when I awoke the sheet under me was completely on the floor. I don't remember much of what happened... but I had a serious headache all of yesterday.. today... I felt well enough to go to work. I had to take my class to pass out government commodities to the elderly people in the community. I do that each month for the last 10 years or so.. Today the high temperature was 14 degrees... so it wasn't a very pleasant experienc...

Sometimes I wonder why people make things so complicated.... I'm thinking we often overlook the simplest of things... for example... in the middle east.. if they wanted so stop suicide bombers... why don't they keep pens of a few pigs in all areas they feel susceptible to such actions. The way I understand it... the muslim bombers wouldn't want their blood mixed with pig blood as it would keep them from passing into the afterlife... Maybe I'm wrong in that assumption.. but it seems pretty simple to me.  Why wouldn't this work? ...or can our government not think that simply?  Go figure. I sometimes get these simple ideas about how people have been doing things the hard way for years... at the moment, that's the only one I can think of, but I'm sure I'll remember more in time. My dad came by yesterday... I also heard from an old friend I don't get to hear from very often. She contacted me and just said hi. It makes me smile... as I am not the only o...