Actions Say It All

Why is it that people feel the need to explain themselves... to try to justify doing something they have done?  Does that change anything?  no.. it does not.. Do they think it's going to be all better after they unload their burden.. maybe for them I guess.. but there's no reason to believe that it's going to make things all better. I've lost my trust. ...simple as that.  It really doesn't matter what anyone says to me at this point... I'm going to have difficulty believing it completely.. For me.. the actions are what says it all..  My actions right now.. probably tell everyone that I don't give a rat's ass.. and for the most part... that would be a correct assumption. I can't let myself care.... or believe.  Am I supposed to believe that reality changes in the blink of an eye? We all have our problems... our.. demons that we deal with.. I understand that.. I think we all have emotional issues that we have to work through.. I was willing to be a support for that..  and in turn.. maybe supported a bit myself.  There's nothing anyone can do or say.. to change the reality of any situation. As I've said before.. it's our perception that leads to certain behaviors.. Words hurt... but actions wound. I think it's possible for someone to reach an event that pulls they veil from their eyes.. and lets them perceive the reality of a situation... as has happened several times in my relationships. Then she walks away.. because it isn't worth fighting for in her eyes. I made the mistake in the past.. of trying to keep someone from going.. but this isn't constructive.. all it does is cause resentment over time against me for talking her into doing something she really didn't want to do.  Right now.. I'm still barely able to maintain my sanity.. there are a lot of hurtful things I want to say and do.. but I won't.. because despite all else.. I really did care.. I was really ready to work through problems.. but when someone walks away from me... I lose complete trust for that person.. that tells me that they're not seeing our relationship as something substantial.. something that we can work on together..  this is for all types of relationships... friendships and more. Once the trust is gone... I have my perception changed to the reality of a situation myself.. that it was something that existed on one plane.... but not on another.. it wasn't something that could withstand reality.... because it wasn't as real for them as it was for me. There are no words that will not make me believe that. Actions say it all.

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