I Want To Float For A Bit

It seems like more people become interested in what's going on with me.. when there is drama involved.  I really do try to stay away from the drama.. but it seems to find me.. no matter how passive I tend to be.. the latest drama.. was definitely an active reaction. I should never have "let off steam" ...posted crap about anyone.. or anything.. at least not on the sites I frequent. All my thoughts are going to be contained to this blog.. it is my haven.  I won't be on the sites for a long, long time anyway... if ever... I figure anyone that actually cares.. or wants to get in touch with me.. can.. most everyone that needs my messenger has it.. even though that list is fairly short.  Even so, I am probably going to trim it farther... I will try to occasionally check on the few people that have shown me some kindness and concern... but there are so many people who don't want anything substantial.. even in the way of friendship... I won't have room in my world for those superficial friends or acquaintances. I know that most people go on the site just for the fun of flirting.. after all the sites I visit.. are flirting sites.  I almost hate to say this.. but I think one of the most callous members that I somewhat grew to detest quickly.. has it right.. he pretty much is under the impression that most everyone is out for themselves... and the flirting sites are just a place to play and have fun... I guess I got the wrong impression.. based on what I was told.. it IS just a place for people to go.. and carry on.. since most of them are never leaving their spouses.. and those that are... aren't ready for any kind of commitment. The might think they are.. but all in all.. what led them down the wrong path in the first place.  They thought they were ready for a relationship... and now.. years later.. they are miserable in the relationships that they once thought were so strong.  So... why do I want to associate myself in a relationship with someone that already struck out once... considering I struck out too.. I know that I've made my mistake in trying to figure out what it was I wanted... my biggest mistake was not checking out the intimate side of my future spouse.. before we married...  she has no intimate side.. or very little, rather.  Still I'm a very loyal person to have stuck it out for 18 yrs now... the last 15 seemingly alone.  We all dream that there is someone out there.. that will complete us.. that will give us at least a satisfactory relationship... and they all seem to start out that way, I suppose.. mine was... okay.. not good.. never really ..good.. but look at all the people who start off "good".. then quickly become disenchanted with their lives.  It seems to become more and more common.. maybe most of us are just spoiled.  I really don't care if I'm spoiled.. I was just hoping to find someone compatible that would provide suitable support.. Most of my life has been spent supporting someone else.. I guess I'm just used to that. I want to support me for a change... I feel like my entire existence is for someone else.  I do love helping out people..that's why I have the job I do.. I enjoy being there for my friends.. but for the most part.. they don't really need me.. they can come through things just fine on their own.. I want to float for a bit.