Go Away

I said I'd never resort to sleep aides to help me sleep... but I am seriously reconsidering that statement. I am able to grab a few hours a night.. but most of it is spent lying in the darkness.. wondering... trying to reason out in my head who exactly I am.. who she was.. and what the problem was... I'm a logical thinker.. most of the time... I sometimes get derailed by emotion... as I did last week.. but logically.. none of what happens makes any sense. I try to piece it together.. but I'm still completely clueless. Everything was great.. we were happy.. we knew who each other was.. we met... she wasn't happy with who I was anymore.. or her thought processes about "us" ...went in a different direction. In either case.. it was brought about by her meeting with me.. no matter how you look at that.. it was our meeting that shed some light on what she felt... I was no longer what she wanted.... there is only two ways to look at that... either.. I disappointed her in who I was... or she was deceiving herself all along and it just took this event to bring that to the surface. I still don't want to believe she lied to me.. and I really don't think she did. It is just a shame that this had to unfold in this way.  Well... soon enough we'll know if it was me.. or her... she'll either be with someone soon.. showing that it WAS me... or she will continue her present path... whichever way it has to be, I wish her the best of luck in that.  Sometimes there is a little part inside of me that wanted to plead with her to give it another try.... but I can't do that... she told me what she felt.. and I will respect that. I've heard it before.. But it is something beyond my control now.  I will still remember the short last message that she sent me... and I've abided by it... "Go Away"

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