I Really Don't Care At The Moment.

It's really odd... but I think a person can talk themselves into almost anything... I am not a huge fan of deserts.. because many years ago.. I decided that I wasn't going to like them anymore... I can still eat them.. and they're okay... but I would much rather have another helping of a main course.. than desert.  I am wondering if my issue with sex will be the same.. I am now at the point where I don't want to have an erection... so I haven't.. I'm surprised, actually.. it will be 2 weeks tomorrow since my last one.. and I was a bit concerned about that at first.. now.. I have mixed feelings.. I think it will keep me from thinking with my small head.. and allow me to be a bit more conscious of my actions... but what if I decide at some point that I might want to have sex again.. I suppose things will take care of themselves...  I can see it being a test for my future mate... a quest.  How will I know? ...because I got a "stiffy" ...that's sort of a funny way of looking at a somewhat sad situation. In my opinion... a relationship isn't based on sex.. sure.. it's a nice part of it.. but there is so much more to a relationship...  On the other hand, I can't have sex.. without some sort of relationship.. I was told that maybe I overthink that a bit.. I just know to let myself go... and have cheap meaningless sex with someone would bother me in the long run.. My mind isn't built in a way to process that type of action... for myself anyway. Am I being judgemental?  I suppose I am.. I still look upon sex as the most intimate part of myself.. and I won't just share that with anyone..  I guess some would call me old fashioned.. but I still think along those lines.. that it is special.. If I were to go out and have sex with a different person each week.. I would lose my perception of it being that special part of myself that I am sharing.  I'd never do that.. I will always keep the sexual experience as something special to me.. I'm not a "okay that was fun... next.. " type of person... I suppose it's my being selective that makes me somewhat of a pompous, self-righteous person... but I can't help how I feel.. I've tried to be very selective.. I am almost certain that I could have sex at least every week or two if I wanted it.. even in my situation.. but what would that accomplish... other than making my self-esteem plummet.  I really don't know at the moment if I do want to have sex again... and by the looks of things in my mind... I really don't care at the moment..

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