Accept Me... Or Not.

Life is a journey.. and too many times we set ourselves up for failure... the reason behind that is because we can't be honest with ourselves.. or maybe it's because we really just don't know ourselves very well... part of that journey of life is the road of self-discovery... I don't know myself completely.. but it seems as though I'm quite a bit more aware of who I am.. than many of the other people I encounter. ..it's sort of sad really.  I know that I am thought of as being insensitive.. or brutal with my words on occasion.. but that's sometimes what it takes to keep from lying to ourselves.. you can dance around the truth all you want.. or avoid conflict by choosing to omit words.. but when it comes down to it.. it's a lie.. I find myself lying at times.. to keep from being bluntly honest.. but it's a rare occasion when this actually happens. If you can't be true to yourself.. who can you be true with?  I put down my thoughts.. and deepest feelings here.. and there are those people who can look in and see what is going on.. but I refuse to pull any punches because someone might see this and get hurt.. it's what I think.. what I feel.. the day I cannot be honest and open with that.. is the day I can quit blogging. It doesn't matter what I say about myself.. or how "real" I am.. I'm only as real as I let myself be.  I have times where I do feel down.. but I don't get extremely low anymore.. just as I don't get extremely high with my feelings... I have lost my ability to let myself do that.. and I don't want to get it back. This is who I am.. we all will grow.. and possibly change to a certain degree.. based on our experiences.. Whether the changes are considered good or bad.. is irrelevant. I am the person that I am.. Those people who accept that are welcome to be in my life and accept that fact.. Those that don't.. can leave. It's that simple. I don't tell anyone else what they should believe.. or how they should act... I can't.. I don't know nearly as much about them as I do myself.. just as no one else knows as much about me as I do.  I know that a lot of what I spout seems to be directed at certain people.. but for the most part, this is all about me.. this is my place to sort it all out.. I have people in my life that influence parts of it.. for better or worse.. but that doesn't mean I am going to change.. just because someone wants me to.   I think some of my past was spent... compromising who I was to try to adjust to someone else.. but I won't do that anymore.  I'm too old to be trying to be someone else.. I have enough of a problem trying to be me.. or at least dealing with the consequences of being me.  Still.. I choose how I deal with things based on what I think.. and who I am.. That hasn't been enough for some from my past.. it might not be enough for some people who call themselves my friend.. but that's their choice to accept me.. or not.