Just Leave Me Out Of It.

I have a bubble.. it's sort of a zone around me that I keep almost everyone out.. the bubble isn't a place where just anyone is welcome.. Although I have nothing to hide.. I really don't care to throw everything of who I am.. out for just anyone to see anymore.  I don't find it easy to trust anyone now.. and if you want me to trust you.. tough. I have seen a lot of things in the last few years.. and for me to change my attitude toward someone.. just because they want me to.. well.. it doesn't work that way. I may not be the most charismatic person when I get into one of my little rants about how untrustworthy people are.. but I really don't care. I am not becoming someone just to be popular.. I actually don't care if anyone likes me anymore.. There are several people in my life that have come to realize.. I'm not putting forth the effort anymore.. it's just not worth it to me to have friends... especially if it takes an effort.  People can deal with me the way I am.. or they can leave. I have never tried to force anyone to be in my life..   In the past, I may have tried to talk someone into staying with me.. but that was pointless.. people are going to be there if they want to be.. and they will end up going another direction if that was meant to be.  I feel as though I'm expected to do things I no longer have in myself to do. I may be a bit "broken" by some standards... but the "broken" me is all I have left.  Either accept that.. or leave me alone.

I see a lot of secrets being kept.. and for my part of the matter.. I don't want any secrets.. not because I feel I will tell them, but because it leads to drama and bullshit.  The deal is.. if you tell me something.. and it affects someone.. more than likely I am going to tell them if they are in my life.. because I hate being two-faced.. if you can't tell someone something to their face.. then by all means.. DO NOT tell me.. I hate the feeling I get when someone finds out something.. and then finds out that I knew.. it's like I was trying to hurt them on purpose.. when in all actuality, I just didn't figure it was all that important.. at least it wasn't to me.  I suppose that there are those secrets that are worth keeping.. but why? For the most part, I don't put enough stock in anyone to care all that much.  Life is short enough.. why go through it keeping secrets and causing drama... I no longer want to be a sounding board for all the issues that a person is too cowardly to go confront another person about.  If you choose to live your life that way.. fine.. just leave me out of it.