Life Is Full Of Surprises.

Cause and effect.. that's what life is supposed to be about.. we are affected by the things we cause.... or subject ourselves to.. for the most part.. so why is it then things come out of the blue and then we have to deal with them?... things that we had no control over... things that have no bearing to anything we've done.  I am dealing with a few things in my head at the moment. I have to make decisions that I really don't care to make.. and it has little to do with my family life... it affects me personally.. no one else. I am going to go for a biopsy two weeks from today.. and the thought is a little unnerving.. no matter the results, it is going to be a path I really don't want to think about.. but I have to. I wasn't going to blog about it, because I am still going through it all in my head... but I had to get it down.. sometime I can read over.. and think about.  I have talked to my sister, the doctor, and she gave me some helpful advice... but no matter what other people tell me, it will finally come down to decisions I have to make.. so now.. I must think about.. cause and effect. The actions I take may affect me for the rest of my life.  I don't plan on making any rash decisions in my life.. as I am not certain where I will end up.. or what I will have to deal with... but I need to figure out how to cope with the way things are on all levels.  It seems as though if it isn't one thing.. it's another.. it never seems to end.  I am still trying to figure out how I've brought all this on myself.  I will take credit for some of the shit I've been through.. I've learned from those mistakes.. I just need to hold on to a logical line of thinking and follow through with what I feel to be the best choices.  I suppose everything happens for a reason.. I like to think that, anyway... and maybe someday I'll know what the reason behind some of the issues I've had to face. I don't pretend to know what is going on with anyone else.  I never will.. not for certain.  I have given up trying to believe in a whole lot.. like I've said many times.. I will do what I have to do to make it through each day.. each week.. for however many I have left.. and deal with life ...using the standards I have set for myself.  I can only measure myself by what I believe.. what I trust to be true... if not for anyone else.. for me alone.  I'm no better than anyone else.. but I will continue to be what I feel I need to be.  I won't bend my standards for anyone. There are many people who have chosen to move along on a different path away from my own.. and that is something I've had difficulty dealing with at times... but I have to understand.. those people need to do what is best for them.. I only wish I had full disclosure of things prior to dealing with a relationship... but things manifest themselves in the course of more lives than just my own.. all people are on a road to discovery.. and on several occasions.. someone has found out that their feelings weren't enough to make something exist that evidently didn't. Life is full of surprises.