I won't change.

So.. it's been a few days since I've blogged.. no reason really, other than the fact that I spend my mornings tending my restaurant in Chefville (Facebook).  It's something I can do and occupy my mind.  Even though it feels like I'm accomplishing something, I'm really not doing anything.  I have thought about quitting it several times, but there is something inside me that feels like other people there are counting on my assistance with their games.  I know it's silly, but it's nice to help out.  World of Warcraft new expansion came out 2 days ago.. and I haven't even considered getting it yet.  I suppose I will, since I am still paying 15 dollars a month for it.  I am still lacking in motivation. Maybe I just need to relax and let life happen.. instead of worrying so much about things.

I try to be open and honest... but I think at times, I am very calculating.. I am afraid of life and things that might happen....so I try to strategize the best possible defensive tactics to keep myself safe.  I might possibly come off sometimes as cold and uncaring, but for the most part.. I have to shut that part of me down.  I refuse to let myself be compromised. I have seen so many instances of people being wishy-washy. They are adamant about something.. then someone talks them into something else... and they wind up feeling badly about caving in.  It shows something about character... and how weak a person's constitution is in regard to their convictions.  I have said it before, and I will say it again.. I am living for me.. I might end up hurting people by what I say.. but I'm going to say it anyway.. whatever that might be.  I can't begin to change just because I don't want to get in someone else's way. I suppose I'm a bastard that way.. but that's just the way it is.. I won't change.