It's Good Enough For Me

So.. I haven't posted in the last few days... I'm just tired.. not of anyone.. or anything.. but just.. tired.. I have difficulty finding motivation for doing most anything anymore. It's sad when the most motivated thing in my life is my chefville game in facebook... I've gotten 85 mastery stars in just a short time.. which is near the top of my list.. I think to myself that it's just a waste of time.. but then I realize that when I was going to the sites... it was the same waste of my time.. not really working toward any goals of actual consequence. It's all a fantasy world... the sites... my facebook games.. world of warcraft.. but at least with my games.. everyone calls it a game.. I don't think anyone can face the fact that most of their life is a game.. we look to get through each day.. but for what?  ...to get closer to the end?  I honestly don't relish the thought of spending my life just waiting for the end to come.. so.. what are my options?  I think part of my problem right now is the fact that I have no control over my life.. even if I have day to day options.. I don't have a clue which direction I am heading.. hence... I have no motivation to get there.. I haven't set many goals for myself because there are so many factors that keep me from being where I truly want to be.. and right now.. that's alone.. I savor the idea of being able to just get up and walk out of my house.. and do whatever I want... because I just want to do it. I've felt so bound over the years believing that I had to do things for everyone else.. but I'm tired of that too.. I guess that maybe I've built up some resentment because I feel like I have always went out of my way to do things for other people.. and I feel like it is rarely appreciated... I just want to know that my effort can be acknowledged some of the time.. I suppose it's in my nature to give.. and I enjoy the feeling when I give and someone is grateful for that.. however, it seems to become the norm.. I give.. and give.. until I have nothing left.. then I'm no longer needed.. I feel like I can be cast aside as easily as a worn out shoe. I have been told that I hold myself to high standards.. and I feel like I do.. but it seems as though that pretty much has gotten me nowhere.. I don't care though... I still need to do things for me alone.. because ultimately.. I'm the one that has to live with me.. I don't count on having to answer to anyone else except myself.. and as such.. I have to maintain the standards I have set.. once I start compromising, I begin to lose who I am.. and I don't care if it's not good enough for most of the people in my past.. it's good enough for me.

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