I Am Ready To Take It On.

I crashed last night... I was getting chills and felt very hot... I was almost certain I was going to be very sick... which is almost unheard of for me... I get sick once every couple of years.. if that much.  Anyway, my first reaction was to turn off everything and go get into bed.  I am glad I did so... because now I'm up, and I feel much, much better. I think I slept for nearly 11 hours though.. Gets me to wondering just a little bit though... other than my dad... if I never woke back up, no one would probably know anything about me for weeks.. I'm not even certain that would occur. I do have a couple of neighbors that might say something if my car never left it's spot... but even though that's a morbid thing to think of, it does happen.  I'm just glad I don't have a pet... I can't stand the thought of being cat food... or dog food. I don't put much thought into when I die, but I think I'd like to be creamated... and have my ashes feed an oak tree... I've seen the kits.  I do remember I was a bit loopy last night.  I remember telling God if it was my time to go, take care of my girls... I don't think people realize how short life is... I mean, we all plan our days.. weeks ... months as though we have years left.  I went as far as saying in a previous blog that I could live another 40 some years..  But I realize that I might not live another 40 minutes.... and then what... I'm not gonna get all sulky and gothic.. thinking about death and dying, but it's a topic to briefly discuss. I did realize that I am prepared to go.... not that I want to.. but I don't have anything holding me back here.  No... I'm not suicidal... and I wouldn't ever think of that... it's a cowards way out of life when you've reached the end of your patience about how things are.  I think I've always held an appreciation of life.  When you go to a cemetery, the lives of most people are summed up in a "-".  My mom  Mildred Paulette  Born Dec. 20, 1947 - Died Jan. 7, 2012.   Don't go back and read that era of my blog unless you really want to see pain in written form.  My mom was much more than a "-" ...and I think we honor the memory of people in our lives by showing their positive influence on us. I've spent much of my life trying to enhance the lives of others... and I don't think I'm nearly done yet.  I will continue my journey as long as it works out that I can do so... I am thankful that I've had all the opportunities I have.. and sometimes I get a little pissed at myself when I think I've had it all that hard... Life is hard.. but I know many people who have to deal with things much more difficult than I do. I plan on being around for many more years... who knows if that time will encompass more than I've done so far... or just more of the same... but either way... I am ready to take it on.