Keeping An Eye Peeled For It.

Laundry day... it's one of the chores I sorta dread getting started on, but once it's started, I don't mind it all that much.. in fact I sort of enjoy it... getting rid of all the dirt and making everything all clean. It's almost like a cleansing.. it's a shame life can't be that way... but we carry on us the stink of our past.. no matter what we do to try to cleanse ourself from it. Even if we put it away and try not to thing about it, it's still a lot of what goes into making us who we currently are.  I've had a few deep discussions lately and I guess I carry a bit too much mistrust at times... and it's not really mistrust of not trusting people... it's a mistrust of myself and also of the fact that people don't know what they want... because most people will say something over and over again... for months... then out of the blue... maybe they discover they have been lying to themselves.. that's why I try to think... instead of believing that they are malicious enough to try to be deceiving.. I really dislike thinking ill of anyone.. but I'm sure there are those evil people who run around too.. I really don't know.. It's okay for people to change their mind about the direction they want to head.. life is about choices.. it's the sudden indiscriminant changes that completely contradict what a person has said that really turns my world upside down... One day...day after day... one thing.. then suddenly ... no.. it's completely the opposite.. wha??  That's where I have my issue.. and only with that. I'm not so burdened down with self depreciation that I would choose to stay in that environment, but at the same time... I need to make choices based on my life.

So... I got distracted after typing the first half of this blog... and ended up finishing laundry before coming back to it. I have to say I really don't remember where I was going with my thoughts... but it's not in my head at the moment.  I have had somewhat of a lazy day other than laundry... it's not like I have to do a whole lot anyway. I'm still closing on the house in 3 days... and moving... ??? I really don't know yet.. I should be packing, but a part of me can't really believe I'm finally getting my own place yet.  ...To me, it's a positive thing, but I don't handle positive things very well evidently. I am that cynical I suppose.. or pessimistic might be a better word for it... I keep looking for something horrible to happen, because it's a huge up... so mind interprets that there must be a major down about to happen. I will keep my mind open to a certain extent... but I just feel that maybe things are going too... "okay" in my life at the moment.. every time that happens I get barreled over by the speeding truck of fate.. so I'm just keeping an eye peeled for it.