I Won't Go Down That Road.
I can't say I live a boring life anymore... so much is happening all at once... I'm somewhat glad I'm not in a relationship.. At work I'm still wearing many hats and keep having more thrust upon me... That in itself wouldn't be too bad. At least I'm having an opportunity open up in January. I have been selected to train on the GIS portion of the wildland fire team. That means I may get breaks from center where I go to actual fires and gather data and use that data to give coordinate to the hotshots and smoke jumpers... It's a pretty important position. I need to select a couple of students to go with me, but I'm not certain if I have anyone at that level yet. The nice thing is each time I'm deployed, I get paid 24 hours a day ... 7 days a week from the time I leave the center until the time I return. That could result in some major money. I could easily double my salary next year.... plus I'll get to see several states I've never seen... Montana, Washington, Oregon, California.. Nevada.. all around that area... I've been to Nevada once, but only to Vegas.. It promises to be a real adventure.
My house is still waiting for me to sign the contract. I'm also getting good news from my insurance.. it's not going to be as much as I thought.. I am still not looking forward to the move.. but am happy to be moving... if that makes sense. I'll have to kick my ass in gear and get things done... The problem is that I'm concerned in the meantime that all this overtime is going to hinder me from a lot of my preparation. I'm still helping out in the dorms and haven't had a day off in 4 weeks now... I'm not even certain I'll have one off this weekend. I know I'll be off for a few days the first week of September, as I have to go in for my first colonoscopy... I really am not looking forward to that either... part of me wants to say... if I get cancer.. just let me go... I know that's a stupid way to look at it, but I am getting extremely tired, very quickly. I have serious concerns about after the move... I mean it's one thing to live in a tiny apartment alone... but this place I'm going is over 3 times larger.. I wonder if I'm going to just feel the loneliness even more...
I am still bantering on the sites... but I feel almost bi-polar.. it's fun to partake in the witless interaction... but part of me still has these holes I'm trying to ignore.. I really don't see anyone on the sites as being a serious relationship, because they have too much going on in their lives. Even the few friends I have offline have quite a bit going on... I send some good morning texts occasionally ... I do that just for so long... once I establish I'm going to be the only one to do it... I quit.. because even though it's not a romantic relationship, I refuse to be the only one to initialize anything in a friendship either. I'm pretty busy myself most of the time... yet I take the time out of my day to say hi... because you do that if people mean anything to you... and no.. I'm still not talking about romantic relationships.. I will say that part of me would like to just close up and stop communicating altogether... with anyone.. but that's a dark path toward an end of depression and sadness.. I won't go down that road.
My house is still waiting for me to sign the contract. I'm also getting good news from my insurance.. it's not going to be as much as I thought.. I am still not looking forward to the move.. but am happy to be moving... if that makes sense. I'll have to kick my ass in gear and get things done... The problem is that I'm concerned in the meantime that all this overtime is going to hinder me from a lot of my preparation. I'm still helping out in the dorms and haven't had a day off in 4 weeks now... I'm not even certain I'll have one off this weekend. I know I'll be off for a few days the first week of September, as I have to go in for my first colonoscopy... I really am not looking forward to that either... part of me wants to say... if I get cancer.. just let me go... I know that's a stupid way to look at it, but I am getting extremely tired, very quickly. I have serious concerns about after the move... I mean it's one thing to live in a tiny apartment alone... but this place I'm going is over 3 times larger.. I wonder if I'm going to just feel the loneliness even more...
I am still bantering on the sites... but I feel almost bi-polar.. it's fun to partake in the witless interaction... but part of me still has these holes I'm trying to ignore.. I really don't see anyone on the sites as being a serious relationship, because they have too much going on in their lives. Even the few friends I have offline have quite a bit going on... I send some good morning texts occasionally ... I do that just for so long... once I establish I'm going to be the only one to do it... I quit.. because even though it's not a romantic relationship, I refuse to be the only one to initialize anything in a friendship either. I'm pretty busy myself most of the time... yet I take the time out of my day to say hi... because you do that if people mean anything to you... and no.. I'm still not talking about romantic relationships.. I will say that part of me would like to just close up and stop communicating altogether... with anyone.. but that's a dark path toward an end of depression and sadness.. I won't go down that road.
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