You're Either Moving Forward... Or You're Dead.

Do you ever miss it?  ...the thrill of life.. doesn't it seem that sometimes the older you get, the more you seem to miss out on... even if it's not significant, it appears that life slows down... my mind doesn't... my body doesn't really seem to... it's just a factor that goes along with the aging process, I suppose. I have all these things I really want to do in life.. and the older I get, the more I realize that a majority probably won't get done... it's not that I don't want to do them anymore, it's just that time seems to be filled by some void or another... life sneaks into the nooks and crannies of each day and leaves very little opportunity to do the wants... instead we're left with the needs. I sometimes feel very old.. and sometimes I realize that the way my family history goes... I could possibly be around for another 40 years or so.. I'm not certain I want to live that long though.  I think my body will wear out at some point... and then what am I left with.. sitting.. in front of a computer??  ...on a porch all alone?  ...it doesn't really make me sad, it just leaves me with a concern... I think maybe all of us are looking for a purpose in life, but my purposes are based on thing I can do now... Other that my daughters, I really don't have a clue where my life will end up.  I do the best I can each day and try to be a bit more positive... and maybe at times, I bring a bit of sunshine and pass it around... but how long will that go on? ...and how will that truly define me once I'm worn and well past my prime.  I don't like to be Mr. Negativity here, but I am pretty certain we all think about that from time to time... where we are heading?  ...why are we heading there?    should I change my underwear??  ...I can say "yes" to the last question... that was drilled into me at a young age. I try to set a role model for as many people as I can... but there are a lot of points in my life that no one knows.. at least not those I interact with on a regular basis. Yeah.. you can learn a bit about me from here, but as with anyone else... I'm a person in a continuous state of flux.. I keep coming up with absolutes, and there really are none.. nothing is absolute.. I see things like the love my dad still has for my mom... and I am thinking that's pretty damn close.. but I'm at the point in my life where I don't see that happening.. they spent 47 years together.. now that is a sad thing to think about..

I really have to kick myself in the ass from time to time... no one else is going to do that for me.  I am perfectly fine with others pointing out my shortcomings... my flaws.. it keeps me honest and allows me to look at myself from out of the box... I don't want all the compliments and flowers... I already have a pretty high opinion of myself as it is.. I need to know where I should improve. After all.. you're either moving forward.. or you're dead.