Honesty Is The Best Policy

Some people might think I was a little high on painkillers when I wrote yesterday's blog.... Yesterday was the first day this week I didn't have any painkillers whatsoever.  The discomfort is bearable now.  I never want to be dependent on drugs to enhance my mood.  I've met several people who actually might benefit from drugs... but that's another story altogether.  I am beginning to be open to the idea that I am and was wrong about a lot of things.  I still know how I feel.. and felt.. about people... about relationships... and there is no changing my mind.. not now.. not ever... I won't ever let that happen. They say that pain slowly dies with time... maybe physical pain.. yes.. but some of the mental pain I've suffered is as traumatic now.. as it was months and months ago. I still feel that the issues I've had to face have helped to shape me into the person I am now. I still have to take credit for the most part of it... because it has been my choice to react the way I have... but I still hold the people in my life partially responsible.. because of the lies I was told... I was naive enough to believe them....

I have somewhat enjoyed the week I've had off... even if it has been spent in major discomfort.  I am glad for the most part that I am working to resolve an issue or two that I have encountered.  I feel a sense of calm in my life.  I think maybe it might be the "calm before the storm"... as I am certain my layoff won't be as smooth as what I think it will be... and the time off will most certainly cause more conflict here with my spouse... but it's been a good week for that... she has done her own thing.. and I've done mine.. and we haven't spoken but a few minutes each day... sort of normal for us anyway.  I know that a lot of people wouldn't be able to understand that... but I suppose it's nice to have that safety net.. in case I were to go into seizures or something like that.. the thing is.. we probably wouldn't even know if something were to happen to the other of us.. as we are not near each other during the day.. even in the same house.

I am starting to get a little World of Warcraft time in.. I didn't get nearly as much as I planned on doing.. mainly because I couldn't focus.. or didn't feel very well... but part of it has been a bit more of a short fuse this week... I don't like being that way... I can feel just any little thing irritating me... so I've tried to keep my mouth shut for the most part. I think we all spout off with things we don't mean to say... and sometimes regret later... I'm trying to weigh my comments before I say them.. so when I do say something.. even if it's a bit harsh... it's what I really did want to say. After all... Honesty is the best policy.