I Won't Forget.

"Good people don't always have good experiences. And bad guys aren't automatically punished immediately for their transgressions. Natural justice usually takes time and often shows great subtlety in the way it carries itself out. Some people don't feel able to trust that and prefer more conventional forms of judgement and reward. They don't understand why those with kind hearts sometimes have hard times. Nor do you but this week, at least, that's not the case. For you, something very right is about to occur."

That is my horoscope for tomorrow... I usually check it out at http://www.cainer.com/  it's amazing how accurate he is most of the time.. but I've blogged about it before.. I'm very skeptical about this one though.  I don't care if "bad guys" are punished or not.. but I don't see why those people with open and honest hearts are always going through such hard times... and I'm not even talking about relationships.. although that could be part of it.  It says "For you, something very right is about to occur." ...well. it might occur.. but it's a bit too late.  I'm so cynical now that I wouldn't trust anything short of a complete and utter miracle.. we're talking like winning the lottery.. or something like that.  I can't help being the way I am.. I know that some think I'm this way because I want to be... and maybe they're right.. but I would much rather be the way I am.. than to open myself up for more pain and disappointment.  I will confess something.  I still care about the people in my past.... and I hope that they find what they're looking for... but I will do everything in my power to keep them from being a painful reminder of my past. I push people away for a reason.. it's because I'm not strong enough to live with constant reminders of what I thought I had.. and actually didn't.  I am a survivalist.. when it comes to my emotions.. and yes.. I feel things greatly.. even though I sometimes try not to react to what goes through my head... I don't let much get channeled toward my heart.  I have been told that I will change.. and feel differently at some point in time... but I don't want to change.. and I will take whatever steps I have to .. to keep myself isolated in my emotional bubble.  I have friends that I let into my world.. and I don't hide anything from them.. but I also have a layer of protection to keep anyone from getting under my skin.. I once said that my towers were high once before.. and I let someone get over them.  I will never make that mistake again.  People who think I will change.. or that I will cave to the pressures of needing socialization.. are dead wrong... For me.. even though it might seem cold and callous.. I am always prepared for anyone to leave my life now.. and if they go.. I can deal with it.  I will continue to be that way.  I said long ago that I was broken.. well.. I'm repaired.. and good with who I am.. and what I have... and anyone that wants to try to improve it.. can go take a flying leap.  I don't and won't have time for any games in my life... I accept the people who want to enhance my existence.. but I NEVER forget those who tear me down.. and I never will. I might forgive.. but I won't forget.