It Might Make More Sense.

I have decided that the person to invent painkillers should be given a medal... and at the moment... I would give that person a monetary award.  I survived my surgery.. and am now in the aftermath.... if my blog doesn't make sense... it's because I'm a bit high at the moment... which should be interesting all around.  I really don't care if anyone knows about what I had done... it was a circumcision... medically advised... and believe me... if it wasn't medically necessary, I would NOT have opted for it.  Having it done as an adult is a way more complicated procedure than as a child.. one thing about it... I wasn't awake for any of the cutting part... but the discomfort is still tremendous... I don't even know how long it will be this way... but I'm hoping for a very quick recovery. I don't mean my penis... I know it's gonna be circumcised from now on... I'm talking about the hobbling around. I didn't have that bad of an experience... at least not yesterday... today is starting off a bit more sore.  For a little bit I could have just had them remove it... I mean... I've already had my balls removed several times by people.... I've just been able to grow them back.

I figure I'll just sit around all day and play World of Warcraft... I think the medication is really kicking in now... as I don't feel the discomfort anymore... I can see why people get hooked on drugs... right now... I don't care about any of life's bad issues.. of course I know they didn't go away.. just put on hold for awhile... I still have that train of thought.  I don't know if it's the drugs.. or what.. but I have feelings of paranoia right now.. I find it difficult to believe in anyone.. I know there are people who do care a bit.. but it's like it really doesn't matter.. I like depending on myself anyway.. and I know I won't leave me.

I just found out that I cannot sit in water... slightly difficult since I don't have a shower.. only a bath.. well.. I'll figure something out.. I always do.

I know this is going to be a long week... I am not looking forward to it in a way... in another way.. maybe it'll be a chance to forget about work for awhile....   who am I kidding... I know I'll just think of all the crap piling up for me to take care of when I get back. 

My thoughts are completely random at the moment.. not really focused on any one thing.. I've started to play WoW 3 times since I started this.. and stopped each time to finish it up... not sure how much more I'm going to post... but we shall see.  I am sitting in my little nest here.. waiting for things to happen.. with or without me.. I don't have to be involved in everything... I know that my focus is off.. and if this all doesn't make sense... tough.. it's an assemblage of random crap that flows through my mind.. deal with it.  

I have my nuts on my desk.. nibbling on them as I get the urge.. an assortment of mixed nuts... they have cinnamon in them.. supposed to be good for diabetes... my sugar was 114 yesterday at the hospital.. I was going to ask them my blood type.. and I never have before.. and I should have asked someone by now...   I had the easiest IV yesterday... they injected a numbing solution in the back of my hand before putting it in.. made it so simple... didn't even feel it... 

I guess I need to clean up a little bit.. I don't want to get grungy.. even if I am being somewhat lazy.. well.. after what I've went through.. I'm allowed... well.. really I'm allowed any time.. I just can't stand being nasty... at least physically.. 

I will have to say.. the circumcision looks entirely different than I thought it would be.. I don't know what it'll look like when it's erect.. but for the moment.. it just looks like a little turtle... I don't know what it's supposed to be like... 

I really don't care that all kinds of random shit is coming forth at the moment.. I always said I have nothing to hide.. and I don't.. maybe there just might be a few things that I don't share.. just because there is no reason to make waves.. but I still believe in being totally honest.. I have much of the same issues as I always have.. the past never goes away... I try not to live in it.. because it is over.. but I don't look to ever have the same feelings as I once had.. even if they weren't real.. I still tend to measure everything by those same emotions.. and I can't see myself ever allowing myself to feel that deeply...  so I live the way I do.. knowing full well that I can be okay without those feelings. 

I sense that I am rambling on about stuff.. not sure how much I will regret high posting later.. but ... Hey.. why not!  ...I have no censor at the moment.. and those that can't follow what I'm saying.. or why I'm saying it.. go get high and read it.. it might make more sense.  

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