It's Their Choice.
Have you ever noticed that in some friendships.. or any relationships.. it's usually one side that ends up doing more of the work to keep the interaction going. I don't have that problem with a few people.. but for some it's like the only time I will ever hear from them... is if I make the attempt to say hi... well.. I'm pretty much done with that. It's the same as it was with my spouse..
...I forgot that I had started this blog earlier today.. and I got interrupted.. duh. Well.. I lost my train of thought about what I was saying.. but reading what I read... I just realize that I've always been the person to enable a relationship or friendship... when it should be something on an equal setting. I am capable of being by myself.. or with someone who chooses my company. I suppose in effect, we're all a bit needy.. a need for some companionship on occasion... actually it's not a need... but just a want. I am glad of the people who pass through my life.. and those that spend time with me.. well.. I'm thankful for that too. I am just not in a place where I can enable someone more than friendship at the moment.... I choose to live the way I do.. because it's safe. My spouse is a very passive person. I hate that. I hate it when I find myself being passive. For the most part, I don't try to be indirect.. but I also don't like to hurt anyone... but I've found that being passive in the long run hurts more than being direct with people. I use my blog as an avenue to put things down.. to where I can sort them out in my head.. but I think there are a lot of needy people out there.. I don't plan on anything but being the best person I can be.. and part of that is being a dependable friend. I think I need to get a handle on that more than anything else. I enjoy the fact that I try to be loyal... until someone throws me under the bus, anyway... then I have to step back... I try to focus on the positive things in everyone.. but the longer I live.. the more negativity I'm exposed to.. and the more cynical I get. Will I change that outlook? ....not if things keep going the way they've been going the last few years... but in spite of everything else, I would like to see something surprise me in a positive way.. just so I can balance out all of the negativity in my life... Other than that... I'm pretty stable in my thoughts.. and actions. ....and as I've said all along.. people can either accept me.. or not. It's their choice.
...I forgot that I had started this blog earlier today.. and I got interrupted.. duh. Well.. I lost my train of thought about what I was saying.. but reading what I read... I just realize that I've always been the person to enable a relationship or friendship... when it should be something on an equal setting. I am capable of being by myself.. or with someone who chooses my company. I suppose in effect, we're all a bit needy.. a need for some companionship on occasion... actually it's not a need... but just a want. I am glad of the people who pass through my life.. and those that spend time with me.. well.. I'm thankful for that too. I am just not in a place where I can enable someone more than friendship at the moment.... I choose to live the way I do.. because it's safe. My spouse is a very passive person. I hate that. I hate it when I find myself being passive. For the most part, I don't try to be indirect.. but I also don't like to hurt anyone... but I've found that being passive in the long run hurts more than being direct with people. I use my blog as an avenue to put things down.. to where I can sort them out in my head.. but I think there are a lot of needy people out there.. I don't plan on anything but being the best person I can be.. and part of that is being a dependable friend. I think I need to get a handle on that more than anything else. I enjoy the fact that I try to be loyal... until someone throws me under the bus, anyway... then I have to step back... I try to focus on the positive things in everyone.. but the longer I live.. the more negativity I'm exposed to.. and the more cynical I get. Will I change that outlook? ....not if things keep going the way they've been going the last few years... but in spite of everything else, I would like to see something surprise me in a positive way.. just so I can balance out all of the negativity in my life... Other than that... I'm pretty stable in my thoughts.. and actions. ....and as I've said all along.. people can either accept me.. or not. It's their choice.
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