Where It Belongs.

Spring is here... doesn't really mean a whole lot.. but I think each spring I keep hoping that my life will start to bloom.. that things will really take off and I will actually end up where I am going.  That's what I keep hoping.. but the reality is that we have to make our lives bloom.. in any season.... in all actuality, things aren't that bad.  It's just nice not to have people in your life that will eventually pull you down.. My small number of friends are people that I've been very selective with.. and even then, I keep waiting for someone somewhere to completely throw me a curve and lie to me.. I can pretty much handle it if and when it does happen.. because I still have trust issues. I don't know if I will ever let anyone extremely close to me.  Just because I share my deep thoughts and ideas.. the personal crap in my life.. doesn't mean I've let anyone become a part of my soul.  I try to be open and honest with anyone and everyone.. at least those that care to be a part of my life.  That's why I blog here.. that's why I give out a lot of what goes through my head.  There isn't much that I hold back... if anything.  Sure.. I don't share personal info that someone has asked me to keep secret.. but that's not about me... and if it's about someone else.. well.. then don't ask me to keep it.. because if it's my business to know.. then it most certainly is theirs as well... and no.. I'm not sitting on a secret that I'm about to tell.. I'm just stating this fact again for the umpteenth time... just in case it comes up.

I am sleeping a bit better.. no pain meds now.. at all... I still have some discomfort but only when I move the wrong way...   Oh.. and our important video conference we had with our national directior.. well.. just like I thought.. they don't know anything yet.  My guess is we will hear something in about 4 - 6 weeks.. at least around May 1.  Think of it this way.. if you were going to close a place you were in charge of.. and you wanted your workers to keep diligently working.. when would you tell them you are closing?  ...probably as late as you could to delay chaos.  Well.. we have a thing in our contract that gives us 60 days notice.. so.. if July 1 is the start of a new program year... then May 1 would be 60 days.

Tomorrow is when I go back to the doctor... he will look at me and tell me if my penis has to come off or not...  lol... I'm just joking.. but it's not like I really need it.. I sometimes wish I could erase the last 20 years of my life.. and be ignorant about everything.. but then.. I'd end up learning it all over again.. and going through the growing pains I have gone through.  Just because we don't things to be a  certain way.. doesn't make anything any different. I think the serenity prayer had it right... to be accepting of the things we cannot change.. to change the things we can... and the wisdom to know the difference.  I'm learning that there is a lot that I cannot change.... but I am glad to be where I am now.. knowing what I do.. it puts a lot of my past pain behind me. which is where it belongs.