I Accept Full Responsibility

...back for another pre-op.. this one should go okay.. or at least that's the plan.  I am not that concerned about the operation itself.. something that needs to be done.. I've made my peace with that already.  I will be off for all of next week.. so I figure I'll probably sleep a lot and be pretty bored.  I just need to disclaim that anything I say that week.. needs to be taken with a grain of salt.. because I'm not quite certain how rude and obnoxious I might get on pain meds.. of course some people might consider that normal for me.  I will have a semi-decent excuse for my behavior.. not that I really need one.  I have always tried to be me.. and I will continue to do so.... if that's not good enough for some people.. go away.  I make no excuses about who I am... and I am done pretending ...just in order to please other people. I am still living in limbo.. at home.. and at work.  I figured that the disposition to my situation would take awhile to resolve.. but I'm still optimistic about how things will work out.  I am still looking forward to being by myself.  I honestly don't care to change my outlook.. because I feel in a so much better place than I ever was in a relationship.. but that's neither here nor there.. I've beat that dead horse into the ground..

I find that I sometimes tend to be overly aggressive in things that I strongly believe in... or those things where I am confident.  Maybe it's because I feel that I am right so often.. that I don't know how to be wrong... at least in certain aspects. Most of us deal with so many negative aspects in our life that we choose to distance ourselves from the drama.. but we still watch it.. it's difficult not to turn away.. it's almost like a movie.  ...as long as it doesn't involve us.. so much better the entertainment value.  I've seen people completely change who they are.. and hide from others.. just to avoid the drama.. what's the point... no.. I don't want drama in my life.. but who gives a flying frick.... I'm not choosing to be anything other that what I want to be.  At the moment.. I have become a bit of a game fanatic.. working on my characters.. and just allowing myself the ability to escape from reality for just a little while each day... then it's back to work..and reality.

I try to be the best person I can be.. but it's for me.. by MY standards... if someone doesn't get that.. go cry into your Cheerios or something.. because I have no time for it.  I like who I am... I love the fact that I am not waking up each day allowing other people to run my life.  I enjoy not wondering what someone else is going to find out that I've had to hide.... either for myself... or for someone else. I don't have any secrets to hide anymore.. and that is the most liberated I have felt in a long, long time.  Why would I want to screw that up... I have friends that still believe that certain things exist in this life.. and I have people in my life that want their life to be more than it is.. well.. that's their fault.. I know I'm where I am.. because of my choices.. and actions.. and I accept full responsibility.