That's What I Try To Do

Don't get me wrong... I am good where I am now.. but I got to thinking how I got here.. yes.. it's my decision to be who I am.. and act the way I do... but it's in response to the situations I put myself in... At one time.. I did believe in the whole.. "happily ever after" ... and who knows ... it might be out there somewhere... but so is the winning lottery ticket.  I know how I have felt in the past.. and there has been maybe once where I looked forward to my future.. For most of the rest of it.. I have just dealt with my present.. and tried to hope that the future would work out. ...Now.. I am living in the present.. and I don't care what the future holds.. I have been the peg to fill in the hole in someone's life for most of my life... and I get that.. I won't allow myself to ever feel that I am not a peg.. and can removed at a moment's notice.  I support my friends... at least emotionally.. I support my family.. financially.. but more than anything else.. I support myself. I don't look to be any more than I actually am.. I know there are people out there that watch my life.. and what I go through.. some of them may even thanking God that it isn't them.  I know what it's like to have a moment where you don't care what happens to you.. that you are just glad to be where you are at the present.. It is said that everyone has their 15 minutes of fame.. I think we also have our 15 minutes of bliss.. then reality sets in.. and we sort of hope to re-achieve what we thought might exist.  You can't do that.. you'll drive yourself nuts.. and in the process, you'll end up ruining other people's lives. If you can reach a point where you are satisified.. for any noticeable length of time..  that's wonderful.. try to keep that.. it's much more realistic to be comfortable with where you are.. than to shoot for things that make you crash and burn.  Life has too many obstacles already.. too many conflicts.. we hope that we can just have our life make sense... but honestly.. it doesn't have to make sense.  It doesn't have to be the way it was... nor does it have to we cannot hope to capture the past.. and we certainly shouldn't try to re-create it. I am moving forward with my life.. me.. myself.. I still have the support of those people who still wish to be a part of it.. and even though that number is very small, I chalk it up to my trying to remain open and honest. I gave up checking out who has looked at my blog.. so I don't have a clue who reads this now.. but it doesn't matter.. no one is responsible for me.. other than me.. if you're doing nothing positive in my life.. you aren't wanted in it.. so you are released from any obligation you might feel toward me... after typing that.. I realized that there are a few people that think it is directed at them.. but it's a general statement.. for people in my past.. and for those who are a part of.. or will be a part of it.. in the future. Suck it up and be your own person.. that's what I try to do.

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