Everyone always does.
I'm looking forward to end of today... because it's going to be a really long day.. my dreams have started involving my work more than anything else lately.. just normal everyday... going to work.. doing the things I do there.. so.. I'm at work almost 24/7 now.. maybe it's a bit much... The last thing I remember before waking up.. was that I had $72,000 in my computer tech budget that I was supposed to spend.. pronto.. and I was trying to find justifiable expenditures.. strange, huh.. I haven't had near that much since I've been there.. I make my program run on a barebone budget.. but I have some wonderful students... well I always do... I believe that you have to treat people like you would want to be treated. there's no reason to give anyone hell for things that you can calmly talk out. I almost never get angry... my spouse and I have had 3 arguments since we were married almost 18 years ago now... I'm very easy to get along with.. I do love discussions and debates though... I can play devil's advocate very well..and consider myself a pretty decent debater.. My mind just works that way.
I'm a firm believer that you can't make people do anything... I don't try to make my students learn.. they should be there because they want to learn.. if not.. I can't help them.. no one requires them to be in my class.. the whole program I work for.. is voluntary.. By the same token.. I can't make people care about me... I wouldn't want to. I have a few friends that volunteer to be a part of my life.. I'm glad they're there.. but when they choose to walk away.. I won't stop them. I refuse to allow myself to become complete dependent on having anyone in my life. I made the mistake of doing that in the past... and it was a very difficult thing to get over... when they finally walked away.. each time it happened.. I am told I'm a great guy.. that I'm deserving of someone better.. etc. ...but when it comes down to it.. these are just words... I am happy with who I am.. I can deal with being alone.. I allow myself time to interact with others... and enjoy those people I hope to call friends... but in the true sense of the word.. I still have several acquaintances.. but very few.. friends... let's face it.. a friend is someone you've been through good and bad times with.. a person you've helped.. and who has helped you.. a person you feel you can go to and trust... and everyone who knows me even a little.. knows my trust is limited... I'm happy that people are making an attempt at allowing me to be a part of their lives.. even if it's just for a short while.. I enjoy the social interaction.. as we all do.. but I am always prepared to deal with anyone just getting up and walking out of my life... It has happened so many times to me.. that it's all I can expect. ...sort of like sticking my finger into a light socket.. I know what's going to happen.. because I've done it.. not intentionally but a few times.. that was enough to get me to learn better.. it's the same way with friends... there's only so far that anyone will get.. because that's my choice... I am prepared to deal with things when they finally move on.. Sooner or later ...everyone always does.
I'm a firm believer that you can't make people do anything... I don't try to make my students learn.. they should be there because they want to learn.. if not.. I can't help them.. no one requires them to be in my class.. the whole program I work for.. is voluntary.. By the same token.. I can't make people care about me... I wouldn't want to. I have a few friends that volunteer to be a part of my life.. I'm glad they're there.. but when they choose to walk away.. I won't stop them. I refuse to allow myself to become complete dependent on having anyone in my life. I made the mistake of doing that in the past... and it was a very difficult thing to get over... when they finally walked away.. each time it happened.. I am told I'm a great guy.. that I'm deserving of someone better.. etc. ...but when it comes down to it.. these are just words... I am happy with who I am.. I can deal with being alone.. I allow myself time to interact with others... and enjoy those people I hope to call friends... but in the true sense of the word.. I still have several acquaintances.. but very few.. friends... let's face it.. a friend is someone you've been through good and bad times with.. a person you've helped.. and who has helped you.. a person you feel you can go to and trust... and everyone who knows me even a little.. knows my trust is limited... I'm happy that people are making an attempt at allowing me to be a part of their lives.. even if it's just for a short while.. I enjoy the social interaction.. as we all do.. but I am always prepared to deal with anyone just getting up and walking out of my life... It has happened so many times to me.. that it's all I can expect. ...sort of like sticking my finger into a light socket.. I know what's going to happen.. because I've done it.. not intentionally but a few times.. that was enough to get me to learn better.. it's the same way with friends... there's only so far that anyone will get.. because that's my choice... I am prepared to deal with things when they finally move on.. Sooner or later ...everyone always does.
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