I have learned.

When can I open my eyes... I don't want to see anything positive...  I keep holding on to the idea that life is a bunch of chocolates... but all mine are old and molded... no matter which I try... I'm gonna end up hurting. ...take that Forrest Gump..   I am tired... but I'm getting used to it.. I lost 4 pounds my first day on my new diet.. losing the weight won't be hard... finding the diet that I can live with to keep it off.. that's the tricky part...  I will have to fool my body into thinking it's full for the last part of this diet.. without putting a whole lot of unhealthy foods in it...
So.. bath time is over... and I don't feel any different this morning... maybe I'm just crabby from my diet... I do know that I will need to develop a regiment of exercise to help with the weight loss.. I am not looking to be all Mr. Universe.. or anything like that.. I just want to be a little more toned in my stomach... with all the walking I do.. I am very satisfied with my legs and butt.  If I'm lucky.. I'll start thinking about food more than sex... I am one of those people that believe that a person can accomplish anything if they have the right frame of mind for it.  ...so in that way I'm a optimist.. but I also believe that accomplishment has to only be dependent on yourself... because you can't count on other people.  I only believe in myself.. and most of the time.. I have problems doing that.  I am trying to develop a more positive attitude.. but I'm only positive that negative things will happen.  I am no better off than I was 6 months ago when I first found out my view of life was completely wrong.  I am physically, mentally, and emotionally much worse than I was then.  ...but it's really all my fault.  I mean.. who can actually believe in someone that requires themselves to interact on a level with people whom of which almost all of them cheat in their marriages.  There are just a few out there that will try to justify it.. even I did.. I am going to not be married.. or at least be separated... If a person is out to just have fun.. they shouldn't take any of it seriously.. unfortunately.. I wasn't "just out to have fun"  I wanted to find someone to believe in.. to share an intimate part of myself... I just shared with the wrong person... I gave something to someone who wasn't ready to accept it.... and I lost it in the process.  My zest for being in love is really gone... I kinda doubt that I'll ever get it back... I wasted so many months pouring my heart out... and being completely open.. and now I know that was a huge mistake.  I won't make it again. I have learned.

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