It is what it is.

so... tired.... I don't know why.. but... yes.. I do know why.. 70 freakin' hours a week of work.. THAT is why I'm so tired... lol.. but it's ok.. I find it very difficult to quit. Is it dedication?  partly..I think also it is the fact that I really don't worry about how it's going to affect me.. until it does. I don't have to work all the hours.. but I will say that most of the time.. I keep my mind occupied.  It's not even a matter of my last relationship, anymore.. She is searching for something that evidently doesn't exist.. and I have no idea what that is.. My whole issue is my life in general... when I think about it.. I know I have issues... one thing is trust.. I have major trust issues.. I don't trust people.  It's in a person's nature to lie.. maybe not wanting to.. but.. they end up doing it anyway.  Most of the time.. there are good intentions there.. If someone tells me something.. I'm one of those that would like to bank on it.. ...and every instance of untruths.. tears down my faith a little more.. it could be as simple as taking a day off to do something.. and then not doing it.. it's not malicious.. but it shows that maybe we can be coerced into doing something else.  Events happen.. that we don't plan on.. and sometimes when those events happen, rather than face the truth.... people want to hide it.. or not address it. I have had people tell me something for years.. and have no reason to believe differently.. then I find out that person has been lying the whole time.. sometimes.. we lie to ourselves.. to make ourselves feel better.. to justify our actions.. I don't know why.. it just seems that in any direction I look.. I know that people are lying to others.. so .. why wouldn't they lie to me about the little things.. and then the little things turn into medium sized things.. and then into larger things.. and finally.. it's possible a major issue exists. People love to not address the "elephant in the room" ...it's an avoidance factor.. people would rather pretend that all is ok... and not worry about things.. because they're afraid of the fallout.. or the outcome.. I run into things like that all the time.. and it's not even about me.. but then.. I think.. ok.. if they are having this much difficulty addressing an issue with someone they have no vested interest.. and they call myself their friend... what are they thinking.. or not addressing with me.. what's happened that they may think will upset me.. and have just swept it under the rug..  I can't help but link it together.. I have never understood why people feel that they can lie to someone.. or even avoid things.. in front of me.. and then think that I won't be affected by it... and by this post.. I'm even certain people may think.. oh.. well.. I'll just make sure and keep the little lies hidden from now on.. that just compounds the situation.. I don't mind being hurt by the truth.. I can't change the truth... it is what it is.

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