Now I'm paying for it.

So.. I don't think it was the B12... I really might be just a tad insane... I got my first injection yesterday.. and I feel no different.  ..well.. I take that back... I now have a sore arm... but as far as relationships go.. I still don't believe in them... I believe that everyone has their own agenda.. and given the chance they'll choose their agenda over any relationship. I was asked something that got me to thinking... I was at a site.. where we were both married.. what did I expect to happen?   The truth is... I'm not really certain... I know my marriage is over.. and headed for divorce.. I can't live in this house with people I truly don't know care about me.. I am certain they do to an extent... but for the most part.. I feel like a meal ticket.   ...so I suppose I expected to find someone who couldn't stand their situation either.. and maybe we would give each other the strength and support needed to remove ourselves from our current situation... and build a life together... I know.. it sounds like the fairy tale.. happily ever after...   it's a myth.. the best people can hope for... is not unhappily ever after.  After a recent conversation.. I realize that I really don't feel like settling down is in my future.. not with someone anyway... living  with someone.. is a form of commitment.. and I already know what most people think of commitment.. over 1/2 of marriages end in divorce.. and over 80 percent of 2nd marriages end in divorce... I'm usually one to play the odds.. and to me.. those don't sound like very good odds... not when talking about my mental well being.. ...sure... everything would be okay for awhile.. and then life takes it's toll ...and chips away at any relationship.  ...so I will end up going where I have to go to keep a job... and doing what I have to do to keep from being completely miserable.. I read a press release where my program was going to be cut $54 million dollars... that is almost a definite probability that our center will be closed sometime in the 2013 budget year.. which begins in July.  I need to dust off my resume.. and look to where my options may be... I won't take off.. just yet.. but given the chance to increase my overtime.. and build a bit.. I may do it.. I will just wait for the final word. I don't really even know if I'll be within 300 miles of where I am now... I only wish life could stop taking jabs at me for just a little while.. a year of peace would be nice... well.. I guess I had my year of happiness.. and now I'm paying for it..

Comments

  1. Daisy Publications February 15, 2012 at 6:23 AM

    Now you are paying for it???? hmmmm since we spend almost every second of our spare time together pardon me while I take you living in hell a little personal

    ReplyDelete

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