Living for the moment.

So.. I am swallowing my pride... and doing something I said I'd never do.. I am trying to heal.. I'm trying to forget about all the lies that I have lived with for over a year. I received some good news that I'm trying not to gloat about..  but we'll let that play out and see what happens.. I am now logging back into a site that I said I would never visit again.. and I immediately made a connection with someone who is completely and utterly safe as far as relationships go.. I have several.. acquaintance.. but very few friends.. I will be ok with flirting.. and not having expectations.. expectations and thinking about what's next.. that is what has been difficult for me not to do.. I always lived with the idea of happily ever after.. and for me to be happy.. I have to start thinking about being happy in the present.. about not dealing with crap..and just being myself.. and not getting lost in trying to please anyone.. I have always tried to be direct.. but it's only those close to me.. that I don't pussyfoot around and try to bluntly honest.. Some people are ok with that.. many people are not.. if people can't handle it.. I am not making them stay around me..  I am trying to turn over a new leaf.. I still am as cynical as ever.. I still feel that most everyone lies..  I had a nice conversation this morning with a new friend.. and it gives me hope that something can last so long.. I really got off to a late start on my blog this morning.. so I really don't have much to dwell on at the moment.. but I'm not really optimistic.. but maybe slightly less pessimistic than I was yesterday.. I am living for the moment..

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