Life is somewhat superficial anyway.

I think that we all seek companionship.. for a variety of reasons.. but for the most part.. none of us like to be alone...  it's just difficult to see anyone being truly honest with us.  I for one.. have grown to feel that everyone has an agenda.. and being with someone is just being the flavor of the day/week/month/year ...I refuse to look at any relationship with a long term in mind.. I really don't believe that is possible.  One friend told me that when you have a failed relationship.. it generally takes as long to get over the relationship.. as the length of the relationship itself.  Well... that means I have another 7 months before my ideas will fade... my pessimistic attitudes... but I really don't see that happening even then.. I have decided to try to enjoy life.. and take each day as I come to it.. do what makes me happy.. and realize at the end of the day.. that it's truly not real.. that life really is just a dream.. I make it through another day... and I don't allow myself to dwell on being emotionally attached to anyone... and even though that is hard for me.. I'm ok with it.. I have people I interact with on a daily basis.. and if they choose to walk out of my life... then so be it.. I won't make myself vulnerable to a point where I need them there... that's how most people seem to be, anyway.  I refuse to try to think about next week.. or next month.. or next year.  If people stay.. they stay.. it's only for awhile anyway... and I have brought myself to a point that I'm ok with that. I can't choose who I will run across each day.. it just happens.. life just happens.. I have been too serious about it for too long. ...maybe that's why I've been so melancholy. I haven't learned to take life by the horns.. and just enjoy the moment... but I'm trying that now.. I will try not to lose myself in the process, but maybe I can learn something by just not caring as deeply as I have... and just running with it. Life is somewhat superficial anyway...

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