I am responsible... for myself and my actions.

I let myself sink further into my pit of despair yesterday... just because I got to thinking about things that I can't change. Whether I'm in a pit... or a tower.. it doesn't matter... I will be okay.  I am not angry with anyone.. I am not upset with life.. I have grown to accept that things are the way they are.    I don't seek to change anyone.. and will continue to live my life.. a day at a time.. according to my standards... I really don't require much... and anything that happens in a positive light... is just a bonus. I still have people in my life.. that support me.. even if I screw up. When I need space.. time by myself... they support that too... All of us like to feel important to someone... but for some.. it's a necessity... I have had a lot of those people in my life. I go back to the fact that a person has to be happy with themselves... and very few people can do that.... they need someone to complete them... I sincerely enjoy having my friends as a part of my life... and if I choose to walk down that path with someone in the future... it will be because it just happened.. and that I enjoy spending time with them... I seek to push nothing.  Too many times.. people want something to be... a certain way so badly... that they will try to help.. and sometimes force it along.... I have a few people in my life.. that still have a degree of trust.  I hope that they will always feel able to depend on me as a friend... I also want to keep my eyes open... and allow myself to do the things I need to do.... in order to be true to myself.  I have to decide what I want.   Do I want to continue to be alone?  ...not really.. but I am not worried about that... whatever happens.. happens.  I am trying to open myself up to ...possibilities... and not let the dark actions of people in my past... completely hinder my actions.  It's just sometimes... difficult to let myself go.  I had my.. premonitions... that everything is going to change.... and frankly that sometimes scares the bejeezus out of me.. I try to follow those gut feelings.... it's just something that may be difficult to do.  All I can promise myself.. is that I won't allow myself to be completely closed off.... due to the fickle nature of the last person in my life. I control me... I live my life... and I am responsible.. for myself and my actions.

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