It's who I need to be.

Long ago, I learned that things are not always as they appear. That's why I try to set myself up to be open-minded about many things... and unless I know both sides to a story, I find myself reluctant to take sides in a situation.  Still our perception makes us believe things that aren't exactly true. I have been less and less like that in the past 8 months or so.  I'm not ready to say that I was wrong about a lot of things.. because I don't feel like I am.  Every action we take.. has repercussions. Sometimes people choose to believe things about me.. without knowing the full story... or even knowing, decide that issues cannot be other than what they perceive.  Personally, I have entertained a few ideas about things that I found to be totally false... however when I get my "gut instincts"... I am much more frequently right.. than wrong.  I hate to blanket judge a group of people.... because that is unfair... and no matter how much I am shown the lies and deception... all the backstabbing... the game playing... there are still those that don't fall into that category.  I feel that there are a few people in my life that are deserving of the chance to show that they can be a friend.  I had a close friend... one I could tell anything to... as I was growing up... for over 25 years.. we did things together that I will never tell a soul.  He was always there to back me... and I... him... he died a few years back.. and I still think of him fairly often. I don't know if I'll ever have someone that close in my life.. or not, but even though he may not have understood me all the time, he accepted me ...with my faults.. and issues... just like I did with him.  If someone breaks my trust... it's very difficult for me to trust that person again.... if I ever do... but I won't mistreat or ignore anyone that reaches out to me... in sincerity.. no matter what they have done. I will always forgive.. but rarely do I forget.  It's one of those things that I have to live with in the back of my mind.  I have been accused of lying.. I have been probably accused of other things as well.. I shouldn't dwell on that.. but I do.  It's hard to let go of accusations based on improbable circumstances.  I will continue to live my life.. and everyone else can live theirs... I am glad that my life has possibilities that I didn't see... even a month ago... I will follow my "gut instinct" ...and I will do what I feel is right. If people can't accept that.. I'm sorry.. but it's who I need to be.

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