I will live.

I had 50 percent pass rate... 6 students had to make 49/60... 2 made.. 47 and 1 made 48.... so.. it was close. But.. they still didn't make it.  So does that make them a failure? I believe that it makes them.. unsuccessful... We try many things.. and sometimes we end up succeeding.. sometimes not. I don't believe that anyone can be successful in every endeavor. I have realized this.. even though sometimes it's difficult to accept that the failure could be mine. I am now at a place in my life.. where I can continue to spin my wheels.. or I can try to move... forward?  backward?   I don't know... but at least it's in some direction. I feel like so many people are biting their tongue.. trying not to say they had expectations... but actually did.  ...I won't make things happen... invite people into my life.. if I am felt it's a requirement from me.  I worked lots of overtime... for nothing.. in years past.. because I could do it at my discretion.. I could come and go as I pleased.. and because it wasn't required... I was ok with doing that.  Now... I get required to do things.. if I sign up for it.. then I'm expected to stay until near a certain time... when I have expectations thrust upon me... I don't believe in a lot anymore... but I'm trying to open that part of me up.  I just feel that things are possible to change, I just need to relax... and not involve myself in any more drama. I want my life to flow freely... but I still am wary of the next time I get sucked into something.. so... I maintain my distance from as much drama as I can.  I don't even stalk people's posts anymore...for the most part... because I don't need to know anything that isn't directly correlated to me. I hope that everyone can find peace.... but I understand that's not always possible. I don't like hurting people... but I will continue to try to be honest with them... that's why I have pulled away from posting much.... I sometimes don't feel like revealing too much of myself.. because I don't want people to draw conclusions based on one or two lines they read about me... I am actually... somewhat happy.. For the first time.. in a long time.. I feel better than just okay.  I like that feeling... I won't be sucked backward... or I'll try not to be.. now that I am moving out of my rut.. I will hopefully continue to move forward. ...no agenda... no expectations... no rush in my life.. I will live.

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