Life Awaits.

I am at a crossroads in my life... I want to push onward... and find something substantial... but I can't seem to figure out exactly where my life is going.  I deal with day-to-day crap... and wait.. and wish for something to happen.. I don't like doing that.. I love to plan my life.. or at least try to.. but I'm in limbo...  I do know that I can count on a few people for support.. no matter what happens... but sometimes I feel like maybe I'm a burden to them too... I think we all struggle with our inner demons.. worried about the outcome of certain things.  All I can do is work toward being the best person I can.. by my standards.. I know I probably will still hurt people.. that's inevitable.. and I'll still be hurt or disappointed... in any case. I gave a friends some advice.. that you should be happy with who you are.. before you can expect anyone else to be happy with you... and sometimes.. I am not happy with me.. that's when I see to try to find answers for why I'm not.  Part of that is my blogging here... I guess I'm still cynical about the motives of some people... I know that people don't mean to be destructive... but the thoughts and attitudes that some people have.. cause antagonistic thoughts to appear.. It's the negative thoughts that I sometimes battle with.. not only within myself.. but also with other people. I figure if I rationalize things that all will be well, but the truth is.. most people aren't that rational.. I myself can be very irrational at times.  Some of my actions have no basis in rationality at all.. but I still do them.. based on instinct and feelings alone. I see myself moving away.. but I can't determine exactly when that might be.  I am hoping that it happens this year sometime.. I want to make that happen... but.. if it doesn't.. have I been lying?  no.. I just know that the longer I'm here now.. the more difficult it is to face each day.  I don't want to sink into another depression.. and feel pity for myself.. because it's no one's doing.. but my own.  I will try to walk down my path and press on for a more positive future.  Life awaits.

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