A leap of faith.
I have a huge conflict going on in my head right now... I know that most people at the site I visit... are superficial.. what few that aren't have ways to interact with me outside the site... so.. when I go there and post.. and become someone I'm not.. I feel like I'm lying to people. My trust seems to be broken down as I continue to frequent the site. I am trying to decide the best course of action for me.. and in doing so.. maintain my sense of who I am. I really have no basis for taking a leap of faith other than the fact that I was thinking about healing. I have been told that my words before.. are a lie.. because I say all these things.. prior to now.. and then.. I am doing something different. I do have.. these feelings that are guiding me.. and I have been trusting in those feelings. Is it wrong to change from all the things I believed... to having hope based on Faith? I kept getting hearing from some of my friends... that I would heal.. that I just needed to do things that I felt to do.. but when I feel to do something different... I now am a liar because of the things I said before.. they don't match. I find it very hard to trust.. in anything.. I suppose at one time.. the only thing I DID trust.. was that gut feeling that told me things.. because it never let me down.. I just have to evaluate why I'm online in the first place... I seem to be disappointing people left and right by my attempts to heal.. based on nothing tangible. My belief in myself and others has been shaken recently.. but I felt I was overcoming that. Really.. who should I have trust in? Who has their own interests at heart? I walk through this landmine of emotional explosions ready to be blown to bits by the next fragment of mistrust from my so called "friends" I am even doubting my trust in myself now... I just need to think a bit.. before I take ...a leap of faith..
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