I cherish my friends.

Do you ever get tired of waking up.. to the same old thing.. day after day after day after day after day....well you get the picture..  I don't want to be here anymore.. I want to be somewhere.. I can wake up...take a quick morning shower.. and then go running... for an hour or so...  just because I can.  I like being in civilization.. not out in the middle of freakin' nowhere.  but this is what I'm subjected to all my waking hours..  the only escape I have is coming online... or dreaming... neither of them is what I would call.. active..  I still have high hopes for my friends. I want them to discover the breakthrough that is so close for them... I feel that with several... but I don't want to goad anyone into making decisions.. or changes that they are not ready for.   I am a firm believer that people choose to meddle where they don't belong.. I suppose I've done it myself.. but.. I only did so out of concern for someone else... and then to have them lie to everyone about it.. and me..  I never lied about my current relationship... it sometimes scares me that it has moved so quickly... it concerns her too.. so.. we are being careful.. we are taking our time... a little over 3 weeks ago.. and I didn't even know this person other than a bit of witty banter back and forth on a site I deemed ...superficial.  I still don't know what happened.. I don't have a clue.. but when things seem.. so right.. it's difficult to not follow.  I was in a lot of conflict for a couple of weeks.. but I finally followed my feeling that I get.. and I had to be true to that.. true to myself... if you had asked me a month ago.. about having feelings of more than friendship for anyone.. I would have said.. and DID say.. there's no way that will ever happen ... I'm not ready... it's not in my heart's capability to care that deeply... I suppose I can be wrong.. but that doesn't mean I lie about it. I was mistaken.. I clearly admit that.. maybe I can care more than I thought possible... I'm not ready to backpedal.. and move back into my shell... I am going to be true to my feelings.. and we'll see what happens. I still care about my friends.. as much or more than ever.... but I am finding out.. who were exactly my friends.. and who were those people that were in my life as a matter of convenience.... I hope to continue to support those people who remain a part of my life... because I cherish my friends.

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