We all need to make better choices.

I think sometimes I do things.. on the basis of other people.  My life seems to be spent trying to curtail to the whims of other people in my life... my friends.. my family... my employer... I can't begin to be myself much of the time.. because I am worried about trying not to purposely hurt or hinder those people. I have ideas in my head of how my life should go... or what should happen... and many times.. I worry that I'll never have the chance to find.. me... because I am too busy being what I need to be.. for others.  It seems that all these people have expectations of me... I choose to be so many things for so many people.. because I actually do care... but when do I get time for myself??  ...Am I being selfish for thinking this way?  Much of my life seems to be ...waiting.. for things to happen.. I feel so powerless to make.. or stop events. I choose to be who I am.. because I take pride in supporting the people I care about.. and I try to perpetuate honesty and loyalty.  My marriage is causing conflict with both of those right now.. but only as far as my daughters are concerned.  My spouse has taken a back seat for quite awhile now.. because she is the one who put herself there.  Even when we go somewhere.. she rides in the back with my youngest daughter ...my 14 yr old sits in the passenger seat up front.  It's been that way for many years. In any case... I do what I can to make it through each day.. making decision that will cause less conflict.  At some point.. very soon.. that will have to change.. I can feel my life.. going on without me sometimes.  Most of the time.. I want to be somewhere else.. doing something else.... because the life I'm living... doesn't seem to be mine.. at least not the one I chose.  ...I guess we all need to make better choices.

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