I Don't See That Happening.
A new year is about to start.. but sometimes I really don't think there is anything to get all excited about. Nothing seems to get any better... maybe I'm just in a funk or something.. but for all intensive purposes... I just exist. I don't really get any enjoyment out of life.. or not that much anyway.. I sometimes wish I were as naive as I used to be.. and just think that things had a chance of working out for the best.. but I know that's no longer the case... life doesn't have a happy ending like you see in the movies.. or most movies, anyway. I am just content with not being miserable.. does that sound weird? I know that things can always be worse... but I am not looking for the fairy tale ending anymore.. I wouldn't trust it even if it came along... I am not even certain how I got so pessimistic... I can chat with one of my friends.. and my thoughts are.. why are they talking to me? ...what's their motive... I have lost pretty much any inkling of trust I had in the online world.. and I think maybe it's moving into the offline world as well.. I can look at coworkers.. or people I know... and my first thought is.. I wonder what they're trying to get... whether it be from me.. or from life in general.. I feel like everyone needs to get something and maybe they're not even cognizant of what it is they want. I don't even think most people know what they want.. it's just a series of hit and misses until a person feels most comfortable. Then they settle for what they have. Maybe that's what life is all about.. settling... most people say they won't settle... not for just anything.. but if you look at a person's outlook.. back when they were younger.. and less knowledgeable about the world.. you will realize that everyone settles... maybe it comes after people realize that you just can't have everything you want... and those things you thought you did have.. aren't exactly as they appear. So... I seek nothing.. except peace and solitude.. I want to live my life without outside interference.
The news is still hopping about the "fiscal cliff" ...I still think it's a bunch of hoodoo.. Even if the government doesn't reach a decision.. they can put off everything as they have always done in the past.. either with an extension.. or continuing resolutions.. it seems to be the case... so now everyone is in a panic about how the economy is going down the drain.. but there is nothing any different now.. than there was a month ago.. or two months ago.. and it won't change drastically in the next few months... The political bantering is enough to cause me to shake my head in disgust.. no one is really gonna win this one.. and we'll all have to listen to it again and again.. it's the same record playing over and over each year.. budget can't get settled.. too much spending.. too low taxes.. I don't have a viable solution... but I know I could do just as good a job as those clowns in political positions who are supposed to be SERVING the public.. instead they just argue and get nothing accomplished.. and draw a paycheck.. I think the salaries should be linked to the budget... and the deficit. We are always going to have a deficit as long as we have political offices to maintain our budget. There is too much waste in our nation.. and too many differing opinions about what to spend.
My daughters go back to school next week and I go back to work on Monday.. for a day.. then off Tues.. then it's 3 days before the weekend.. After that my students should be back.. and I will get back into my regular routine.. I haven't had this many days off in years.. well. except when my Mom passed away last January.. but I really didn't have any time to relax then. I guess I'm relaxing now.. actually the days are the same as always.. I am finding a bit more time to play World of Warcraft.. but other than that.. I really am not doing much of anything else... I got to thinking last night just before I went to bed... I am somewhat inclined to perpetuate the thoughts of the seven deadly sins... I am really into the sloth.. sitting here.. just playing my game.. my greed is for myself.. I am going to do what's best for me.. and I really don't give a rat's ass about many other people anymore... I have a tendency to be gluttonous at buffets and holiday parties.. and all you can eat pizza... My Dad has made my wrath show lately.. he just pushes and pushes.. until I feel like yelling at him.. my spouse has a tendency to do that on occasion too.. I am envious of people who have it much easier.. both monetarily and emotionally.. some people have the emotional support that I wish I had... Pride.. I am too proud to admit when I'm wrong.. for the most part.. and I stick to my guns.. and opinions.. even when sometimes I shouldn't.. That leaves ...lust.. which I can say I have a handle on completely.. I haven't had a problem with that very much lately.. which is strange given my situation.. but I've learned to adjust.. now if I can overcome the other sins as well.. maybe my life will make a change for the better. I'm certain if anyone thinks about it.. they can find times when all these have become a part of their life also.. and if you think.. no... then there's pride.. there.. just ashamed to admit it.
I don't have a clue about life.. or what's in store.. I just roll with the punches.. even though I am tired of getting punched... some of the punches have hit below the belt.. and I suppose I've done my share of swinging back.. and landing a few punches of my own.. I just find it sad that I have to negate the most of the last few years of my life due to all the uncertainties.. and the issues I went through.. I can't find a time where I can admit to myself that any of it was real.. it all seems sort of a dream at the moment... one I sometimes wish were real.. but now I have the knowledge to support the realization that it was all just a game for some.. and for others.. it was just a selfish phase to get them through the moment.. or what they were going through.. I can live with that.. I have been used before.. and perhaps I will be used again.. but I know more now than I ever did.. and I don't see that happening.
The news is still hopping about the "fiscal cliff" ...I still think it's a bunch of hoodoo.. Even if the government doesn't reach a decision.. they can put off everything as they have always done in the past.. either with an extension.. or continuing resolutions.. it seems to be the case... so now everyone is in a panic about how the economy is going down the drain.. but there is nothing any different now.. than there was a month ago.. or two months ago.. and it won't change drastically in the next few months... The political bantering is enough to cause me to shake my head in disgust.. no one is really gonna win this one.. and we'll all have to listen to it again and again.. it's the same record playing over and over each year.. budget can't get settled.. too much spending.. too low taxes.. I don't have a viable solution... but I know I could do just as good a job as those clowns in political positions who are supposed to be SERVING the public.. instead they just argue and get nothing accomplished.. and draw a paycheck.. I think the salaries should be linked to the budget... and the deficit. We are always going to have a deficit as long as we have political offices to maintain our budget. There is too much waste in our nation.. and too many differing opinions about what to spend.
My daughters go back to school next week and I go back to work on Monday.. for a day.. then off Tues.. then it's 3 days before the weekend.. After that my students should be back.. and I will get back into my regular routine.. I haven't had this many days off in years.. well. except when my Mom passed away last January.. but I really didn't have any time to relax then. I guess I'm relaxing now.. actually the days are the same as always.. I am finding a bit more time to play World of Warcraft.. but other than that.. I really am not doing much of anything else... I got to thinking last night just before I went to bed... I am somewhat inclined to perpetuate the thoughts of the seven deadly sins... I am really into the sloth.. sitting here.. just playing my game.. my greed is for myself.. I am going to do what's best for me.. and I really don't give a rat's ass about many other people anymore... I have a tendency to be gluttonous at buffets and holiday parties.. and all you can eat pizza... My Dad has made my wrath show lately.. he just pushes and pushes.. until I feel like yelling at him.. my spouse has a tendency to do that on occasion too.. I am envious of people who have it much easier.. both monetarily and emotionally.. some people have the emotional support that I wish I had... Pride.. I am too proud to admit when I'm wrong.. for the most part.. and I stick to my guns.. and opinions.. even when sometimes I shouldn't.. That leaves ...lust.. which I can say I have a handle on completely.. I haven't had a problem with that very much lately.. which is strange given my situation.. but I've learned to adjust.. now if I can overcome the other sins as well.. maybe my life will make a change for the better. I'm certain if anyone thinks about it.. they can find times when all these have become a part of their life also.. and if you think.. no... then there's pride.. there.. just ashamed to admit it.
I don't have a clue about life.. or what's in store.. I just roll with the punches.. even though I am tired of getting punched... some of the punches have hit below the belt.. and I suppose I've done my share of swinging back.. and landing a few punches of my own.. I just find it sad that I have to negate the most of the last few years of my life due to all the uncertainties.. and the issues I went through.. I can't find a time where I can admit to myself that any of it was real.. it all seems sort of a dream at the moment... one I sometimes wish were real.. but now I have the knowledge to support the realization that it was all just a game for some.. and for others.. it was just a selfish phase to get them through the moment.. or what they were going through.. I can live with that.. I have been used before.. and perhaps I will be used again.. but I know more now than I ever did.. and I don't see that happening.
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