I Try To Be Cautious

Sometimes I am a bastard.. I say things so bluntly that I don't regard other's feelings... sometimes things come out and surprise me.. even to the point that I am flabbergasted and don't know how to react.  I guess everyone should keep their own standards.. it's just that sometimes you think you know what those standards are.. and then all of a sudden the standards change.  I believe that the way people think about things are forever changing.. I suppose part of that is due to circumstances. I wish I could wave a magic wand and get everything I want out of life.. but I can't.. and I live with the way things are... but that doesn't mean I'm going to abandon all of my morals just so I can live more comfortably... I guess that in the past.. I let my morality slip.. and each time, I paid the price for it... I wouldn't say that I am a person of high moral fiber to begin with.. but when I go against the basic ideology that I have.. I end up throwing a part of me aside.. and have to wrestle with that.  I let people close to me.. because I figure they are somewhat stable in their thinking.. so many times I have had to deal with that not being the case.  It bothers me to think that I judge people.. but in a sense.. I suppose I do.. and I am okay with people judging me also.  I never require anyone to be a part of my life.. and if I am a detriment to their well being... then I understand when things happen.. I guess a part of me tends to push people away... but I don't mean to be active at it... I accept that people will think differently than I do.. but it's sometimes difficult to follow the mode of thought when people become someone entirely different.  I guess it might be that a person has felt a certain way all along.. and they.. like myself... are on a road to self-discovery.. I guess that everyone has to peel back layers to figure out who they really are.. and their basic beliefs.  Things don't always tend to be easy for any of us.... but we all think we have it worse than anyone else.  I am never going to say that my morality is better than anyone else's.. in fact.. I cheated on my spouse... a few times in fact.. I chose to believe in something that doesn't exist.  My foundation of belief is that we all have people that we are drawn to.. and with some of those the attraction is so strong that we are almost powerless to stop it.. and I don't have a clue what it is.. there are others.. that we enjoy the company of.. and sometimes we cross the boarders of friendship.. because we want to believe it is something more.. it's many times here.. where the lines become blurred.. I don't know if it is because of our need for companionship.. or something deeper.. but I have discovered that you can't make things be what they are not.. and sometimes you just can't stop some things from happening.. I've been on both sides of that fence.. and I am guilty of being self-centered in my line of thinking.. I choose my actions based on what I know.. for the most part.. but being human.. sometimes I let my emotions guide my actions.  I always find that I get into the most  trouble when I forget what I have learned through past experiences...  I feel like that most people have an agenda.. and where I don't know the future ...I can't help but try to avoid the pitfalls when I see them coming.. I try to be cautious.