That's Just Sad.

I thought about the sites yesterday... for the first time in a long time.  I was wondering why I was even tempted to go there in the first place.  Everyone can be who they want people to think they are.. and I was buying into it.  Most people can't even use avatars of themselves... or even of people similar to themselves.. because they want to portray themselves as someone who they see is much more glamorous. Then they open up the door for comments.. but they don't want just any comments from anyone.. it becomes a game... "let's see if we can attract someone with similar interests that will see me for who I am" ....all the while they are putting out bait with just their best qualities and beautiful/handsome avatars. Some will say... I don't want people to know what I look like.. for safety issues.. that's bullcrap.. I put my real picture up showing my full body.. but I sort of lied.. I put forth my best picture... and kept it up.. even after I gained 20 lbs.  I was never ashamed of who I was... and tried to be me... although somewhere along the way, I lost myself.  No matter what I say... I am certain I lied to several people about several things.  The sites are like poison... you make a concession here.. and come up with an excuse... then another one.. making another justification.  Most people will read this and think.. that doesn't apply to me.. yes.. it does.. in some degree it applies to EVERYONE... myself included.  It's giving only the best parts of yourself.. and a lot of those qualities are just ones you wish you had. I will be the first to admit that it isn't safe to declare a bunch of private info to strangers... but I do that here.. the most private things in my mind go into this blog.. and the link is still out there for anyone to find on my personal pages... I didn't close anything down.. and I won't ever be logging in to shut the links down.  I go back to the thought why did I go.. Did I need attention?  ...Was I really seeking love? ... that's sad.. because everyone knows it's not real.. deep inside.. everyone understands that 99.99% of the time.. It's just going to be a distraction for awhile.. and then it will end.  yes.. there is that one .01% that actually develops into something lasting.. but even then.. people stay to get corrupted by the mentality of the site.. Some people are there so they can blast those people that don't agree with them.. while others pick just a select few people who are in their "clique" ...just like in high school... maybe they didn't get to be in that group then.. and now is their chance.. I don't understand any of it anymore.  I don't understand why I ever thought that people who choose to live wrapped in so much deception could ever be open and truthful with me.  The sad part is.. that most people don't even see it... they refuse to look inward at themselves... until things get out of hand.. until their "game" has a distinct possibility of becoming real.. then comes the part where they have to admit it was all just a game... but try to do so with as much tact as possible.  I feel sorry for those still trapped on the sites.. and yes.. I said trapped... make whatever excuses you want.. but that's what everyone with an addiction does. "I am doing that for this reason.. or that.. I'm not doing anything wrong.. I can leave whenever I want to."  ...and some do.. for awhile.. but then it sucks people back in.. We all seek something... I now try to seek normalcy... but I don't have a clue what that is... The sites have screwed me up that much.. and when I was there.. so much of what I would have looked at several years back.. and deemed idiotic.. or moronic.. or even deceptive..  it's okay.. that's what everyone does. I won't live in that norm.. I will never make that a part of my life again.  I lowered my standards and I didn't even realize it.. and neither does most people there... or if they do.. and are okay with it... that's just sad.