Trying To Be Trustworthy.
I slept a whole 7 hours last night.. which is the most sleep I've had in awhile.. now I feel groggy... tired.. listless... I think a person can have too much sleep as well as too little.. especially if your body is accustomed to a certain amount... just like in food.... your body adjust to your eating habits.. that's why we "plateau" when we lose weight... your body has become adjusted to your new eating habits.. In any case... I found it slightly difficult to go to sleep last night.. so I just sat around on the computer for a bit before lying down.. I really don't know have a direction at the moment.. I have very little in the way of motivation to get me moving toward anything. I know there are things I have to do.. but for the life of me.. I just don't care that much about doing them. I hate it when I get like that. My mental attitude is one of ... what difference does it make. So I suppose it's time to give myself the old pep talk about following through on my goals.. setting just small goals to get through the day.. I wouldn't really call where I am now.. a low.. more like just a bit of the blahs.. but I know before the end of the day... I'll be back to my old self. I am hoping to get my Christmas shopping done today.. so that's what I will be working on right after this.. I might take a very hot bath.. just because I can... that always peps me up a little bit.
I sometimes hate the touchpad on my computer... my thumb will get close to it while typing and I am typing so quickly that my thumb selects a paragraph.. or the whole blog.. and then I end up replacing it... I got on a roll about responsible behavior and thinking of the future.. a very long paragraph.. then in an instant.. it was all gone. I despise when I do that.. at least I got it down.. and out of my head.. even if I didn't publish it.. I rarely go back and read stuff anyway... but I find it interesting sometimes to see how my thought patterns go through certain cycles. What I find most interesting is the candor that I use sometimes in putting everything down from my mind. I am pleased for the most part.. because while I do not always share everything.. I am pretty much going to hit on just about all that goes through my head.. at least at some point. I suppose this blog is a testament to the way my mind works. If I ever had to break down in the future and go to a psychiatrist.. I could just show them this and let them see. For some reason.. even though this is public.. I have given very little identifiable information here... sure.. if someone were to put it all together.. it might be fairly easy to find me.. but if someone is that desperate to find me.. just ask.. I would say where I am... for now anyway. I keep thinking about all the directions I want to go when I start job searching. I think there are too many choices. The whole U.S. is opened up as a possible work site... and I sift through the jobs... if I can help it.. I don't want to "settle" there either. I just want to find something that "speaks to me" ...something that I think I will be satisfied with for an extended time.. hopefully something I can retire with.
I am already feeling some better... just a bit more motivated.. maybe I'll get some things done after all.. I have already started my pep talk in my head about all the things I can do today... I just need to push myself to get started.. I think many things are like that.. just needing a catalyst to get things going. I try to stay with too many catalysts.. because I don't want much happening in my life.. my balance is threatened when things start happening.. and I don't want to dislike anyone.. or anything for trying to upset my balance. I still take responsibility for me.. I like it when I feel that people are honest with me.. open.. and that's how I've always tried to be. The more open a person is.. the more I feel I can trust them... even if a murder told me about all the people he's killed.. and the bad things he's done.. I could trust him more than someone who holds everything in and never shares anything with me. I try to make myself receptive to anything anyone tells me... not saying that I will agree with it.. and there may be times that push me in another direction.. but the distrust comes from people who keep things in too long.. and then finally have to share.. because of circumstances.. it is at that point where I feel someone has to share.. only because they have no choice.. and it's at that point.. where I lose my trust in people. I am not always the most approachable person.. and I have my faults.. but I am working to overcome those. I am trying to be trustworthy.
I sometimes hate the touchpad on my computer... my thumb will get close to it while typing and I am typing so quickly that my thumb selects a paragraph.. or the whole blog.. and then I end up replacing it... I got on a roll about responsible behavior and thinking of the future.. a very long paragraph.. then in an instant.. it was all gone. I despise when I do that.. at least I got it down.. and out of my head.. even if I didn't publish it.. I rarely go back and read stuff anyway... but I find it interesting sometimes to see how my thought patterns go through certain cycles. What I find most interesting is the candor that I use sometimes in putting everything down from my mind. I am pleased for the most part.. because while I do not always share everything.. I am pretty much going to hit on just about all that goes through my head.. at least at some point. I suppose this blog is a testament to the way my mind works. If I ever had to break down in the future and go to a psychiatrist.. I could just show them this and let them see. For some reason.. even though this is public.. I have given very little identifiable information here... sure.. if someone were to put it all together.. it might be fairly easy to find me.. but if someone is that desperate to find me.. just ask.. I would say where I am... for now anyway. I keep thinking about all the directions I want to go when I start job searching. I think there are too many choices. The whole U.S. is opened up as a possible work site... and I sift through the jobs... if I can help it.. I don't want to "settle" there either. I just want to find something that "speaks to me" ...something that I think I will be satisfied with for an extended time.. hopefully something I can retire with.
I am already feeling some better... just a bit more motivated.. maybe I'll get some things done after all.. I have already started my pep talk in my head about all the things I can do today... I just need to push myself to get started.. I think many things are like that.. just needing a catalyst to get things going. I try to stay with too many catalysts.. because I don't want much happening in my life.. my balance is threatened when things start happening.. and I don't want to dislike anyone.. or anything for trying to upset my balance. I still take responsibility for me.. I like it when I feel that people are honest with me.. open.. and that's how I've always tried to be. The more open a person is.. the more I feel I can trust them... even if a murder told me about all the people he's killed.. and the bad things he's done.. I could trust him more than someone who holds everything in and never shares anything with me. I try to make myself receptive to anything anyone tells me... not saying that I will agree with it.. and there may be times that push me in another direction.. but the distrust comes from people who keep things in too long.. and then finally have to share.. because of circumstances.. it is at that point where I feel someone has to share.. only because they have no choice.. and it's at that point.. where I lose my trust in people. I am not always the most approachable person.. and I have my faults.. but I am working to overcome those. I am trying to be trustworthy.
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