Living For Me.

I am thinking that normal.. is just a myth.  No one is normal.. I don't want to be normal, myself.  I feel like my life is pretty mundane.. but I sort of like it like that.  I just went through and deleted all my old emails from anyone from the sites. I kept them for archiving purposes... just in case I wanted to go back and look at what anyone had said in the past.. but I no longer need them.. or even want them.  That part of my life is over and done.  I am finished with the superficial.. and no longer have room for anything in my life that tears me down.... and over the past three years.. nothing has torn my life and mind apart more than the sites.  I'm not innocent in the dealings I've had... but there are very few positive things that have happened as a result of being there... and the negatives far outweigh the positives. I sort of feel like I am cleaning my soul by eradicating all those PMs I had recorded... I wasn't even tempted to read through them.. as the only people that matter... are the people who have shown they wish to remain a part of my life.. maybe I haven't been the most cordial person to those people who said they were my friends.. but if someone doesn't want to make an effort to be in my life.. they aren't worth my time. Maybe the people I am speaking of are saying the same thing about me.. if they are.. that suits me just fine.  I'm an asshat... and I don't have the aptitude to believe most anyone about most anything... I can't deal with all the lies and deceit I have been exposed to... and I'm glad I am no longer getting sucked into the role I felt I should play.  There are so many outside influences on our lives that make us do things we wouldn't normally do.  I have found myself... and even though that person isn't as nice a person as I thought I might be... I feel like I truly am real.. I don't give a flying fuck if someone doesn't like my attitude.. nor if they think I am being self-centered... I've allowed myself to be coerced into too many roles that don't suit me.. now I'm living for me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Not In My Lifetime.

It's 1:15 am.. I just got back from my niece's wedding.. and it was.. different .. not what I was used to.. but nice all the same..  I only have this to say about the reception... WTF!!! l guess I should give a bit of background information... my spouse wandered off doing her own thing.. as I prefer it that way... so when I happen to come into close proximity of her by accident.. she motions me over.. and has been talking to the head of the catering company... they have been talking for awhile.. and in a short period of time.. they have been getting to know each other a bit..   as I approach.. this woman.. who's name is the same as my spouse.. is saying.. "I just seem to know him.. he looks like John.. somebody"  My spouse then starts with a sales pitch of how great of a guy I am.. and what I do teaching computers.. and this woman starts striking up a conversation with me in front of my spouse.. she even talks about how handsome I am...   she mentions that she i...
Read more

Something I Have Learned Well.

It's odd how we interact with others on so many levels... one would assume by my wide range of references that I have a large assortment of friends.. In all actuality, the people in my circle of friends could be counted on my hands.. and close friends... well..  easily on one hand. I'm not what I would consider a social butterfly... but to be honest.. I sometimes like crowds.. I enjoy having groups of people around me.. I don't stick out like a sore thumb.. and sometimes getting lost in the rest of the world... isn't such a bad thing. How often do you go and "people watch" ....and then think about those people once you're gone... not very often, I'm guessing.. not unless one did something completely out of the ordinary.  I just like having the feeling that I'm normal.. an ordinary person... I just sat here in this chair for most of the weekend.. not really accomplishing anything.. nothing constructive by any means... I feel as though maybe I'm...
Read more

Stay Out Of Things Where I Don't Belong.

I am starting to get used to the hours... I think... who knows.. one day I feel like I was drug out of my bed kicking and screaming... other days I feel like I've been poured full of coffee and energy drinks... I've cut down on my morning coffee by the way... Oh... I didn't blog about that... after first moving here, I started drinking flavored coffee in the mornings... but I've decided I don't want to get dependent on that.... I still have the occasional coffee... but as I've said before... too much of anything is a bad idea... so I cut back.  I also decided to give up something for Lent... I might have blogged about it... but I tried to think of something that would be a sacrifice.. so I gave up masturbation.  I know that's not really in the spirit of Lent... as far as giving up something like that... but hey... I can't think of many other things I enjoy more... especially with my sex life as it is... I sorta don't have the inspiration at this poi...
Read more