Fantasies Are Important Too.

I'm a... I'm a... I'm a.. I'm a.... broken record...   It seems that I talk about the same topics of discussion over and over again.. there really is more than this that goes through my mind. I am just not able to get past some of it.. and try to do so by revisiting it over and over agai n. I think once my "stuck" situation changes.. then I will have the ability to get past some of it.  I suppose part of the reason for the way I blog is the fact that I go into instructor mode.... where I'm trying to get my point across.. so I repeat things.  I will sneak in a little material from time to time.. but in reading through some of the stuff in my head, it seems old and stale now.

I think that part of it is that I might be living in my fantasy world... and thinking if I work it out.. then all will be okay.  It doesn't matter if I can make sense out of my past.  Some things in life just happen for no reason other than to try to make us a stronger person.  I have said there are no absolutes.. so the only recourse I have is to live my life on a day to day basis.. and try not to make future plans. There is no reason for me to pretend I have a clue what is going to happen.. because in all honesty I don't.

I am giving the government just a little longer to get off their asses and come up with a plan for our center.. after that.. I'm done there.. just waiting and waiting.. is tiring on a person. I must move forward and develop at least a short range plan for my life.. and try to stick to it.  The powers that be in our chain of command say they have no clue as to what is going to happen yet... and I call bullshit.. you don't run a division of thousands of people.. and have no contingency plans for what must happen.. even though I have the utmost faith in the incompetency of our government.

There seems to be some deadlines forming.. and I have begun to let them  slip up on me.. I need to take some time to organize the things that must be done in my life.. and tackle them one at a time... that way it won't seem so overwhelming..   I have had my head stuck up my ass too long in just letting things happen. I need to take some responsibility in making the few choices I can.  Right now... I have some training I need to be doing.. and catching up on my knowledge of current technological advancements.  I don't want to stagnate there.. or I'm just sealing my fate to a dismal existence in the job market.

This weekend is Dad time.. whoopie!!!  ...yeah... enough said about that..

My daughters are out of school now, and I can tell they're already getting cabin fever... I don't mind if they want to go visit a friend or two.. but it's such a long drive anywhere.. my youngest is having a friend stay here this weekend.. I'm glad she's able to make new friends and get a handle on her interaction with others.. my oldest seems like sort of a recluse.. I hope she doesn't go down that path... or that something changes.. otherwise she'll end up being alone.  Maybe she she just has high standards about who she calls friends.. I don't feel quite as close to her as I do my youngest.. but I love her just as much.

I've thought from time to time.. that I could just continue to live in the present.. and not worry about the future.. I've even thought about making decisions in my life without regards to the consequences.. but I've discovered that I can't do that.. it's just not me.. I have to do a bit of planning on most any action I take.. but last night.. I had a dream.. my hair was long.. and I rode a motorcycle.. maybe a mid-life crisis is coming??  I certainly hope not.. my life is enough crisis as is.. still it's not a bad thought to just be able to jump on a vehicle.. and take off into the sunset.. without worrying about the consequences.. I know certain ideas we have aren't real.. and it's nice to think about those things... but I will still almost always be a person somewhat grounded in my ideas... I just miss the way I thought things might have been at times...  I guess sometimes fantasies are important too.