Maybe I Can Change That.

I sometimes start a blog thinking I'm going to end up with something profound.. but in all actuality, most of what I end up blogging about is just common sense stuff.  I think everyone wants their "15 minutes of fame" ...maybe to last a bit longer... but I've always just enjoyed touching as many lives as I can.. and hopefully I'll be able to live on through what differences I make in the world.  I don't have to be rich... I don't have to be handsome..  but I have the outlook that I'm an awesome person... for myself.. If anyone will look at themselves in an objective way, they will find there are some great qualities... concentrate on those qualities to put your best foot forward.  I think maybe I spend too much time dwelling on the negative.. and not nearly enough time on the positive.  So.. I'm working on that.  There doesn't have to be a reason we do anything.. I think I get too caught up on that.. logic.. and all that stuff.. Sure.. I will still try to keep from making mistakes.. but sometimes I think we just have to say "What the fuck.."   Anyone remember where that line is from?  Remember Tom Cruise and Rebecca DeMorney... Risky Business... no.. I'm not going to start socializing with prostitutes and running a brothel in my home.. but I think that in life we miss out on a lot of it because we are too scared of the consequences.  And then you have people like my father... who is afraid of anything and everything that life might have to offer because he sees the negative.. I think that's where I started developing my pessimistic attitude. I almost never stood a chance of being normal.. but being normal is overrated.  I want to be unique.. I want to be able to look at myself and say that I did what I wanted to do.. I am a firm believer in what the Declaration of Independence says... especially the part about "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness"  ...I'm not really even worried about being happy.. but I like being able to muddle my way through life without damaging others... or being damaged by others..  I look at the students on my center.. and at the few people I interact with.. and I realize that life is tough for everyone.. I can't solve the world's problems.. but I can try to work on my own.. and maybe make a bit of difference for the people who I come in contact with. ...I'm just sitting here thinking about that.. and waiting for my dad to show up in about an hour or so... and also waiting for my bath water to cool...

Just got out of the tub.. it makes me feel so much less stressed.. I think it's the hot water opening up the blood vessels and getting the circulation going.. maybe that's why I think the way I do.. not enough blood circulating to the brain.. In all honesty though.. I know I have many thoughts in my head that don't make a lot of sense.. why do I feel the way I do... what am I going to need to do to make things okay again?  ...I don't have any clues really.. but I sit and bide my time until I figure it out.  Dad should be here in just a bit.. and for some reason... I don't mind it as much as I thought I would.. but.. we'll figure out if that's the case after the day has passed.... so I'm figuring this day will probably be another twofer as far as blogs go.  I will have a lot to think about on the car ride down there and back...  Most of the time.. thinking for me isn't good though.. Maybe I can change that..

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