I Just Wish I Had A Crystal Ball.

Have you ever woken up and realized that things are a certain way... and you feel to blame.. even if you don't know what went wrong in your life.. it's just not where you expected it to head... well.. welcome to my life.  I have made many mistakes in my life.. and I will probably make many more. The big thing is.. I've not found a time machine yet.. and it's unlikely that I will.. so no going back to change any of my screw-ups.. I  say and do things on a constant basis that I feel like saying or feel like doing.. and I won't apologize for any of it.. unless I feel what was said was misconstrued.. or if I really was off base.. For the most part.. things are a certain way.. and not much is going to change that. Sometimes we blurt out something that is completely out of character.. but then we have to deal with the consequences of what we say, because that becomes a part of who we are.  I don't have a plan in my life right now.. and I keep talking about my "limbo" ...but I've decided there is no way I can continue to worry about if and when change will happen.. otherwise I'll end up older and more senile than I already am... and life will have passed me by.  Not that it's not happening on a daily basis.. but I was once a person that would take advantage of the days as they passed and try to get things done.  Now I become more and more complacent in just letting things happen instead of making changes myself.. I believe in fate.. and I feel more and more like fate works against me at every turn.. but it's human nature to struggle to find a better place in ones life.. I'm just not sure where that direction is anymore.  It's not that I'm not willing to work on improving myself and my situation.. it's just that I really don't know much about anything anymore... but that's okay in itself.. I've become adjusted to being this way.. I just have a bit of faith that things will turn out for me as they are supposed to.. and I'll deal with it.. whatever the outcome.

My spouse's car is having problems.. electrical problems.. not certain if it's a battery.. or what.. but they alternator checks out fine.. I am going to try charging the battery this morning and see if it will hold a complete charge.. if not.. I'll be spending most of my day in town.. just to change out a battery.. I really do hate living so far from anything and everything.. on days like today anyway.. when I have to get something done... and it is so time consuming to do anything.. but.. I look at it this way.. if I wasn't doing that.. what else would I be wasting my time with.. I seem to have gotten into the habit of being so non-productive.  I have to be the one to make the choice to change that.. but sometimes I just have to make the best choice for me...and stick to it.. I just wish I had a crystal ball.