I Will Continue To Adjust.

Early in the morning and I'm up... literally.. I stopped my the liquor store yesterday and bought a few things.. I only drank a smirnoff ice .. pineapple flavor of course.. sipped on it before I went to bed while I watch tv online.. didn't have any erotic dreams or suggestive thoughts.. but lo and behold... this morning I awoke with an erection.. sorta strange since I really have no reason to have one anymore.. maybe it was the alcohol that got my blood to flowing or something.. but I've determined one thing.. the circumcision definitely made a difference my previous problem is gone.. and I have a new penis.. I don't really need one.. but it's there.  I don't intend on drinking regularly.. but I have a little bit on supply for the next overstressed moment of my life..  I don't see how I haven't given up when I look at things sometimes.. but I'm not the type to give up on things.. that's the main reason I am so aggravated by my marriage... but I gave up on it a long time ago.. but as long as I'm still here.. it's a constant reminder of a failure of my past.  I have pushed people out of my life who reminded me of my faults and failures.. but I can't and won't push my daughters out of my life.. I will always deal with the stress of that reminder.  There is nothing else in my life that I need to hang on to.  I stay with my job because it's common sense.. there has to be money coming in from somewhere.. as soon as I can deal with that.. and make a change there.. it's happening.  I do plan on keeping some intelligence about the way I make my decisions.. I'm not going to let my emotions govern my actions in dealing with that situation.  I don't have to worry about any deep rooted feelings for anyone swaying my choices for where I'm going.. or what I plan to do, so it shouldn't be difficult to find another job.. somewhere..  I am just waiting for my 3 years to go permanent.. I need to stay with the government unless a very lucrative opportunity presents itself elsewhere.  I like what I'm doing.. truly.. if it weren't for the incompetent management at the center where I work now.. I might would just hang on awhile longer and just move out.. but due to the asinine way they run the center, I am certain it won't there much longer.. and even if it is.. I'm not staying to deal with it. I even have my manager off from work so much from all the stress.. and we've lost a couple more people who have quit in the last week or so.. I don't know how much longer they can go without shutting it down.. I'm hoping something was announced yesterday.. but I am concerned that it wasn't.. or that the government is incompetent enough to keep it open.  Not a whole lot surprises me anymore.  I'm publicly calling out fate to go ahead and hit me with it's best shot.. I'll either withstand it.. or I'll completely lose my mind.. but after all I've been through.. I think that I will continue to adjust.

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