I'm Not Quite Completely Numb Yet.

So.. I've been off my diet and back to eating food for the last day or so.. probably won't last.. at least I know my main issue with my feeling so horrible isn't my lack of food. I feel as miserable now as I ever have.. I've had a decent two days ..or day and a half.. in Nashville.. now it's over and I'm back in my cave at home.  I really enjoyed lunch yesterday.. and had a good time last night eating mexican food with my uncle and his wife.. but I sometimes feel like a third wheel in a group of 3.. it's like I sometimes feel I don't fit in anywhere in my life right now.  I have had the last two days off work.. and had to deal with the Kentucky IRS crap I posted in an earlier post.. After waiting in line after line.. after line.. I finally got enough documentation that should be acceptable to prove I was there until August.  It has just been a trying two days.. and I'm glad that I was able to escape my life for just a little while.. just hate coming back.. if my daughters weren't here.. or expecting me back.. I wouldn't have. It's been that bad.. I would have just considered chucking my job or at least taking an extended leave.. and disappeared.. I'm not that type of person to do that.. but there's just not much in my life that makes me happy... I can't seem to find anything either.  I try to keep my mind occupied.. and I try to blog out my feelings.. but it still doesn't seem to be enough at times.  I don't know exactly where I'm headed.. or what's going to happen.. but I have nothing to keep me grounded... I know friends will try.. but it really just won't work.. I'm gonna stay in my funk until I can get out of it.  It's going to take some change.. I just have to keep waking up.. and making it until the next day....over and over.. I guess my life isn't as busy as I think it might be sometimes.. and I know there are people who are much busier than I am.. but I don't feel like I have any control over anything.. and even though I ate something the last two days.. I did so because I wanted to.. because it was enjoyable.. and because I felt the need for change.. I seriously need some change in my life.. something to happen.. I really don't care a whole lot what at this point.. all I know is  I'm at the end of my rope with Dad.. I've put him on going straight to voice mail.. as he is senile and going to bug me about every little thing.  As far as anything else..I seem to keep being blasted by life.. right and left..  I pretty much am ready for my next punch in the gut.. whatever is going to happen.. I wish it just would get it all over with at once... because it hasn't been effective thus far...  I'm not quite completely numb yet.