I Can Do Whatever I Put My Mind To

So...  I'm feeling better.. it seems that all it takes is a pep talk sometimes and I can get a second wind... I know life isn't as bad as all of that.. it just hammers away at times and makes me wonder how bad it is going to get... but I always know life will get better at some point.. and things will be right with the world again.. Up until a few years ago.. I was probably the most jovial guy you'd ever want to meet.. I love to laugh and make other people smile.. the problem was that person has take quite a bit since then... and it's difficult sometimes to remember who that person is. I dislike the fact that my experiences put me in a dark place.. but truth be told, I am the one that let people into my life that would discard me later.. and that was a mistake.  I know I'm still a strong person.. I would have to be in order to try to think positively after everything. So I haven't made good choices in life.. does that mean I need to wallow in self-pity?  All that is going to do is keep me miserable.  I have no clue where my future is going... but I do need to take an active part in my life.  I can't do a whole lot about where I am... or what is or isn't going on in my house... but I can get out and do a few things.. I make excuses that I can't go out... I live in the middle of  freakin' nowhere.. there are walking trails and all kinds of stuff I can do.. anyone can make excuses.. and hide in their room.. or their house.. away from the rest of the world.. but I've never been the type to do that... sure.. it would be nice to spend time with friends.. have lunch, or dinner.. on a regular basis.. but that's not going to happen and there is no use in me wallowing in self-pity because of it. I make this promise to myself.. I'm going to get out more often and just do something... I don't know what.. go visit my uncle... go fishing (yes.. maybe even with my dad) ...just walk on the trails.. go to a bigger city and shop.. or see a movie...  I don't know yet.. but to sit in my room and say my life is crap.... well that's crap in itself.. Yes.. I have a lot of issues that aren't what I would call ideal.. maybe not even positive.. but that doesn't mean I have to let those issues control who I am.  I've done that for far too long.  No... I'm not bi-polar.. everything that was wrong a few days ago... is still wrong now.. but the way I see it.. I have two choices.. I can either lay here in my misery.. and do nothing but pout... or I can really try to occupy myself.. and do a few positive things in my life... I do know that problems don't usually go away on their own.. and as I've said in a few previous posts.. Einstein's definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again.. and expecting different results.. Well.. it's time  for me to make some sort of effort to make a change.. I don't know what yet.. but I have to start thinking outside the box.. I have to come up with something that allows me to actually live.. instead of just exist.  There is a whole world out there.. and I can do whatever I put my mind to.